1 00:00:02,913 --> 00:00:04,540 [ Birds Chirping ] 2 00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:07,951 Let me go! 3 00:00:08,018 --> 00:00:09,110 Get off it! 4 00:00:09,186 --> 00:00:10,312 I can't breathe. 5 00:00:10,387 --> 00:00:11,376 Ow! 6 00:00:11,455 --> 00:00:13,286 [ Crashing ] 7 00:00:17,027 --> 00:00:19,291 [ Loud Arguing ] 8 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:30,934 [ Glass Breaking ] 9 00:00:31,008 --> 00:00:33,943 [ Snoring ] 10 00:00:34,011 --> 00:00:38,277 Leave the squirrel alone and get the fire extinguisher. 11 00:00:38,349 --> 00:00:39,281 Reese, no! 12 00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:42,808 [ Crashing ] 13 00:00:42,887 --> 00:00:44,252 Blood tastes funny. 14 00:00:44,321 --> 00:00:46,289 You better be naked when I get back. 15 00:00:46,357 --> 00:00:47,881 Done. 16 00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:52,394 ?? Yes, no, maybe?? 17 00:00:52,463 --> 00:00:54,931 ??I don't know?? 18 00:00:54,999 --> 00:00:58,264 ?? Can you repeat the question??? 19 00:00:58,335 --> 00:01:00,530 ?? You're not the boss of me now?? 20 00:01:00,604 --> 00:01:02,936 ?? You're not the boss of me now?? 21 00:01:03,007 --> 00:01:05,305 ?? You're not the boss of me now?? 22 00:01:05,376 --> 00:01:07,367 ??And you're not so big?? 23 00:01:07,444 --> 00:01:09,878 ?? You're not the boss of me now?? 24 00:01:09,947 --> 00:01:11,881 ?? You're not the boss of me now?? 25 00:01:11,949 --> 00:01:14,383 ?? You're not the boss of me now?? 26 00:01:14,451 --> 00:01:17,181 ??And you're not so big?? 27 00:01:17,254 --> 00:01:21,884 ??Life is unfair???? 28 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,689 [ Reese, Softly ] Malcolm... 29 00:01:24,762 --> 00:01:27,094 Malcolm... 30 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:29,555 [ Screaming ] 31 00:01:31,068 --> 00:01:33,195 How was that even remotely fair? 32 00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:36,364 That's for us all having to go to your stupid Krelboyne picnic today. 33 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,431 You think I want you to go? 34 00:01:40,678 --> 00:01:44,614 My special class is having a family day and, if that's not bad enough, 35 00:01:44,682 --> 00:01:47,048 it's on the weekend that Francis is home. 36 00:01:47,117 --> 00:01:50,245 I'm going to look like a total idiot in front of him. 37 00:01:50,321 --> 00:01:53,552 Pretty bunnies. 38 00:01:53,624 --> 00:01:55,558 Pretty bunnies. 39 00:01:55,626 --> 00:01:59,062 Luckily, I've got a brilliant plan to get out of this. 40 00:01:59,129 --> 00:02:01,393 [ Gagging ] 41 00:02:01,465 --> 00:02:04,764 Oh, poor baby. 42 00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:07,565 Yeah, I'm sick. 43 00:02:07,638 --> 00:02:09,606 No, you're grounded for pouring... 44 00:02:09,673 --> 00:02:11,698 perfectly good vegetable soup in the toilet... 45 00:02:11,775 --> 00:02:14,039 and you owe me 49 cents. 46 00:02:14,111 --> 00:02:15,874 [ Flushing ] 47 00:02:17,915 --> 00:02:19,780 I don't understand why you don't want to go... 48 00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:22,148 to this picnic, Malcolm; I think it sounds like fun. 49 00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:24,016 Yeah, sitting on the grass, eating barbecue. 50 00:02:24,088 --> 00:02:25,282 It's Krelboyne. 51 00:02:25,356 --> 00:02:28,052 It's not going to be on the grass because half the class is allergic... 52 00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:29,922 and don't expect any meat either, 53 00:02:29,994 --> 00:02:33,794 because they all voted not to serve anything that ever had a mother. 54 00:02:33,864 --> 00:02:36,025 Cousin Nancy doesn't have a mother. 55 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:38,432 That's right. She has two daddies. 56 00:02:38,502 --> 00:02:40,493 Oh, man, two guys as your parents? 57 00:02:40,571 --> 00:02:43,199 That house has got to be a dude's paradise. 58 00:02:43,273 --> 00:02:46,731 You know, there are a lot of proven health benefits... 59 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:48,539 to the vegetarian lifestyle. 60 00:02:48,612 --> 00:02:51,479 In fact, I've been seriously considering it myself. 61 00:02:51,548 --> 00:02:53,209 It'll be nice to meet the other parents. 62 00:02:53,283 --> 00:02:56,309 I'm sure they're better than the carnival freaks in Reese's class. 63 00:02:56,387 --> 00:02:57,911 What a horrible bunch of people. 64 00:02:57,988 --> 00:02:59,455 Amen to that. 65 00:02:59,523 --> 00:03:01,923 Well, this just sounds like a blast to me. 66 00:03:01,992 --> 00:03:03,584 Why do I have to go, again? 67 00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:05,288 Because it's a family picnic, Francis, 68 00:03:05,362 --> 00:03:06,829 and you're a member of this family. 69 00:03:06,897 --> 00:03:09,525 Right, see, I just keep forgetting that, being forced to live... 70 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,693 a thousand miles away at military school and all. 71 00:03:11,769 --> 00:03:14,135 Well, I can't wait to see this academic circus. 72 00:03:14,204 --> 00:03:15,501 I bet it's really cute. 73 00:03:15,572 --> 00:03:16,869 It's not a circus. 74 00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:19,807 It's a bunch of social misfits doing a bunch of weird stunts... 75 00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:21,367 to show off how smart they are. 76 00:03:21,445 --> 00:03:22,969 What's your weird stunt, honey? 77 00:03:23,047 --> 00:03:25,845 Just some lame thing-- nothing you want to see. 78 00:03:25,916 --> 00:03:29,044 You've got to get me out of there before my turn comes. 79 00:03:29,119 --> 00:03:30,518 Why? What's the big deal? 80 00:03:30,587 --> 00:03:31,952 It just is, okay? 81 00:03:32,022 --> 00:03:33,512 I don't want to do my act. 82 00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:35,251 All right, relax. 83 00:03:35,325 --> 00:03:38,590 We'll hang out for like 1 5 minutes, establish your presence, 84 00:03:38,662 --> 00:03:41,722 then we'll go over the fence like at Grandma's wedding. 85 00:03:41,799 --> 00:03:43,061 [ Sighs ] 86 00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:44,828 That's why I love this guy. 87 00:03:44,902 --> 00:03:47,462 Welcome! 88 00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:48,800 Welcome, one and all! 89 00:03:48,872 --> 00:03:51,864 Run away with us and join the circus! 90 00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:54,342 The academic circus! 91 00:03:54,411 --> 00:03:55,537 Oh, no. 92 00:03:55,612 --> 00:03:56,704 My teacher. 93 00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:58,270 Malcolm, thank goodness. 94 00:03:58,348 --> 00:03:59,815 I was so nervous. 95 00:03:59,883 --> 00:04:01,817 I had a dream you didn't come, and I was... 96 00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:05,286 being chased by something big but invisible and-- Never mind. 97 00:04:05,355 --> 00:04:07,448 You're here, and that's all that matters. 98 00:04:08,826 --> 00:04:11,124 Hello, little guy. 99 00:04:12,863 --> 00:04:15,331 Ready to leave your family and join the circus? 100 00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:17,665 - Oh. - Huh? 101 00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:18,997 Little lower, son. 102 00:04:20,437 --> 00:04:22,837 Oh, look at all your little friends. 103 00:04:22,906 --> 00:04:23,964 Hi. 104 00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:25,303 Hi there. 105 00:04:25,375 --> 00:04:26,706 They're not my friends. 106 00:04:26,777 --> 00:04:28,972 They're a bunch of geeks and losers. 107 00:04:29,046 --> 00:04:30,070 Malcolm's in the house! 108 00:04:30,147 --> 00:04:31,671 Malcolm! Malcolm! 109 00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:34,946 Malcolm! Malcolm! Malcolm! 110 00:04:35,018 --> 00:04:37,851 Malcolm! Malcolm! Malcolm! Malcolm! 111 00:04:37,921 --> 00:04:40,321 Malcolm! Malcolm! 112 00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:43,291 I'm going to kick so much Krelboyne ass today... 113 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,725 it's not even funny. 114 00:04:44,795 --> 00:04:47,992 Go, Malcolm! Go, Malcolm! Go, Malcolm! 115 00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:49,191 Easy. 116 00:04:49,266 --> 00:04:50,961 You got all afternoon. 117 00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:54,299 We're getting out of here in 1 5 minutes, right? 118 00:04:54,371 --> 00:04:55,565 Make it ten. 119 00:04:55,639 --> 00:04:56,765 Yeah... 120 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,432 Ooh, hello. 121 00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:02,035 [ Francis ] And who might you be? 122 00:05:02,112 --> 00:05:02,976 What? 123 00:05:03,046 --> 00:05:04,240 Nothing. 124 00:05:11,388 --> 00:05:13,481 Hello. I'm Lois. This is Hal. 125 00:05:13,557 --> 00:05:15,115 We're Malcolm's parents. 126 00:05:15,192 --> 00:05:17,057 That's very nice. 127 00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:19,595 I'm Dorene. These are the girls. 128 00:05:19,663 --> 00:05:20,789 Hello, nice to meet you. 129 00:05:20,864 --> 00:05:21,853 Yeah, it's really... 130 00:05:25,969 --> 00:05:27,163 Whatever. 131 00:05:28,438 --> 00:05:30,235 Hope everybody likes brownies. 132 00:05:30,307 --> 00:05:32,332 Oh, my, that is so thoughtful. 133 00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:33,433 Are those nuts? 134 00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:34,442 Walnuts. 135 00:05:34,511 --> 00:05:36,672 Oh... gee... we can't have that. 136 00:05:36,747 --> 00:05:40,080 Some of the children are severely allergic to nuts. 137 00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:41,549 Oh, my gosh, I had no idea. 138 00:05:41,618 --> 00:05:42,778 Whose child is allergic? 139 00:05:42,853 --> 00:05:45,117 Well, no one in this class specifically, 140 00:05:45,189 --> 00:05:47,020 but you can never be too careful. 141 00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:59,325 Believe me, this isn't meant to publicly humiliate you. 142 00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:03,066 I'm sure they were delicious. 143 00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:05,267 Oh, hi, fellas. 144 00:06:05,342 --> 00:06:06,434 Hey there. 145 00:06:06,510 --> 00:06:10,105 What's your pleasure-- nature dog, health patty, tofu square? 146 00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:12,273 Good God. 147 00:06:12,349 --> 00:06:15,648 Want me to brown that chicken leg a little more for you? 148 00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:19,511 Well... 149 00:06:19,590 --> 00:06:21,854 looks like I got here just in time. 150 00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:25,524 Gentlemen... 151 00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:27,655 behold. 152 00:06:29,032 --> 00:06:30,499 Is that... 153 00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:31,556 meat? 154 00:06:31,635 --> 00:06:33,330 Nothing but. 155 00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:40,271 Hi. 156 00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:42,073 Hey. 157 00:06:45,182 --> 00:06:46,615 So, uh... 158 00:06:46,683 --> 00:06:48,207 you here? 159 00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:50,753 Yeah. 160 00:06:50,821 --> 00:06:51,753 You? 161 00:06:51,822 --> 00:06:53,551 Yeah. 162 00:06:59,596 --> 00:07:00,927 Hey, Stevie. 163 00:07:00,998 --> 00:07:02,989 [ Panting ] Can't stop... to chat. 164 00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:05,330 Got to get... my chemicals... 165 00:07:05,402 --> 00:07:06,994 in the shade. 166 00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:09,436 I thought you were doing your report on oscilloscopes. 167 00:07:09,506 --> 00:07:11,838 Changed to... catalytics. 168 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,774 It's more... exciting. 169 00:07:13,844 --> 00:07:15,573 Right? 170 00:07:15,646 --> 00:07:17,170 What do you care? 171 00:07:17,247 --> 00:07:18,214 I'm up... 172 00:07:18,282 --> 00:07:19,374 after you. 173 00:07:19,449 --> 00:07:20,211 So? 174 00:07:20,284 --> 00:07:22,309 Following you... 175 00:07:22,386 --> 00:07:24,013 is like... 176 00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:25,418 following Streisand. 177 00:07:25,489 --> 00:07:26,854 Well, don't worry about it. 178 00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:28,255 You won't be following me. 179 00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:30,558 Why? 180 00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:33,187 Have I been... bumped? 181 00:07:35,098 --> 00:07:36,759 Francis, what are you doing?! 182 00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:38,630 Come on, the coast is clear and... 183 00:07:38,702 --> 00:07:40,966 it's already been ten minutes and-- 184 00:07:43,307 --> 00:07:45,537 We're not ditching out, are we? 185 00:07:55,085 --> 00:07:57,781 [ Children Conversing, Indistinct ] 186 00:08:02,292 --> 00:08:04,886 A small pack of Krelboynes has ventured out of hiding... 187 00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,327 to bask in the afternoon sun. 188 00:08:06,396 --> 00:08:08,091 Their defenses down, 189 00:08:08,165 --> 00:08:10,633 they're an easy target for nearby predators. 190 00:08:10,701 --> 00:08:16,139 [ Sniffing ] 191 00:08:17,841 --> 00:08:19,900 They sense danger, but it is too late. 192 00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:22,309 Their hesitation is fatal. 193 00:08:22,379 --> 00:08:24,370 [ Roaring ] 194 00:08:24,448 --> 00:08:26,712 [ Frightened Yelps ] 195 00:08:37,961 --> 00:08:39,986 [ Panting ] 196 00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,793 And the circle of life goes on. 197 00:08:51,575 --> 00:08:53,270 Kafkaesque, isn't it? 198 00:08:53,343 --> 00:08:54,503 Huh? 199 00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:55,510 Never mind. 200 00:08:55,579 --> 00:08:57,604 Kick his butt, Alphonse. 201 00:09:01,952 --> 00:09:05,183 Wait... wait. 202 00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:06,779 Here it comes. 203 00:09:06,857 --> 00:09:08,415 Yes, there! 204 00:09:08,492 --> 00:09:10,892 I've arrested the cellular mitosis! 205 00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:17,122 Thank you, Dabney. 206 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,224 That was riveting. 207 00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:20,235 Our next act needs no introduction, 208 00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:22,965 having been the buzz of last year's math fair. 209 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,668 Please welcome Flora Mayesh... 210 00:09:25,742 --> 00:09:28,734 and Fermat's Last Theorem! 211 00:09:30,847 --> 00:09:32,109 Hello? Is this...? 212 00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:33,513 Testing. 213 00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:37,383 So, I understand that Malcolm has quite the vocabulary. 214 00:09:37,454 --> 00:09:40,184 Yeah, he's just yap, yap, yap, yap, yap all day long. 215 00:09:40,257 --> 00:09:42,521 Well, that's not the vocabulary I meant. 216 00:09:42,592 --> 00:09:43,923 It seems that he's taught... 217 00:09:43,994 --> 00:09:45,962 several of the children the ''R'' word. 218 00:09:46,029 --> 00:09:47,428 The ''R'' word? 219 00:09:47,497 --> 00:09:50,933 I'm sure it's just something he picked up off the street-- 220 00:09:51,001 --> 00:09:52,366 certainly not at home. 221 00:09:52,436 --> 00:09:55,530 Yeah, well, ''R'' you, lady. 222 00:09:59,342 --> 00:10:01,003 So, this is going well, right? 223 00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:03,638 It's pretty much everything I expected. 224 00:10:03,713 --> 00:10:04,941 So, you ready, Malcolm? 225 00:10:05,015 --> 00:10:06,539 I mean, you're all set, right? 226 00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:07,708 Sure. 227 00:10:07,784 --> 00:10:09,183 Good. 228 00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:13,849 I'm... ready. 229 00:10:13,924 --> 00:10:16,518 Thanks for... asking. 230 00:10:16,593 --> 00:10:19,255 You know what's so great about our relationship? 231 00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:22,196 It just still feels so fresh, you know what I mean? 232 00:10:22,265 --> 00:10:23,197 Totally. 233 00:10:23,266 --> 00:10:24,392 All right, take it away. 234 00:10:24,468 --> 00:10:26,959 I need two burgers and a dog, Hal. 235 00:10:27,037 --> 00:10:29,528 Coming up. Dewey? 236 00:10:30,707 --> 00:10:31,765 Thank you, sir. 237 00:10:31,842 --> 00:10:33,309 All right. Thank you. 238 00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:35,071 What have I told you about raw meat, son? 239 00:10:35,145 --> 00:10:37,613 I'm not. 240 00:10:37,681 --> 00:10:39,706 Dad, I want you to meet someone. 241 00:10:39,783 --> 00:10:40,715 This is Jody. 242 00:10:40,784 --> 00:10:41,808 Hi. 243 00:10:41,885 --> 00:10:43,876 Oh, it's so great to finally meet you. 244 00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:46,047 Francis talks about you all the time. 245 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,057 Oh, yeah? 246 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,251 You, too. 247 00:10:51,628 --> 00:10:52,617 Oh... 248 00:10:52,696 --> 00:10:54,129 I'm so glad that went well. 249 00:10:54,197 --> 00:10:57,462 Ladies and gentlemen, 250 00:10:57,534 --> 00:11:01,732 I give to you the Nixon electromagnet. 251 00:11:03,006 --> 00:11:03,938 [ Whirring Hum ] 252 00:11:04,007 --> 00:11:05,998 [ Loud Clang ] 253 00:11:06,076 --> 00:11:09,239 [ Muffled Yelling And Sobbing ] Turn it off!. 254 00:11:09,312 --> 00:11:11,837 This is going dreadfully. 255 00:11:11,915 --> 00:11:12,973 Am I wrong? 256 00:11:13,049 --> 00:11:15,609 Please tell me I'm wrong. 257 00:11:15,685 --> 00:11:16,845 Excuse me. 258 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,012 For what? 259 00:11:18,088 --> 00:11:20,522 [ Sniffing ] 260 00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:27,395 [ Liquid Bubbling ] 261 00:11:27,464 --> 00:11:28,761 This is it. 262 00:11:28,832 --> 00:11:31,266 You're almost... up. 263 00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:33,268 Stop reminding me. 264 00:11:33,336 --> 00:11:34,303 Nervous? 265 00:11:34,371 --> 00:11:36,737 No, I just don't want to do this. 266 00:11:36,806 --> 00:11:39,240 Don't you ever get sick of being a Krelboyne? 267 00:11:39,309 --> 00:11:41,743 Of people thinking you're some kind of freak? 268 00:11:41,811 --> 00:11:44,075 You are... 269 00:11:44,147 --> 00:11:45,842 what you are. 270 00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:47,144 Accept it. 271 00:11:47,217 --> 00:11:48,377 Not without a fight. 272 00:11:48,451 --> 00:11:51,420 You're harshing... my buzz. 273 00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:54,917 Don't let... anyone... 274 00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:57,824 mess with... my stuff. 275 00:12:00,897 --> 00:12:02,797 You know, in the wrong hands, 276 00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:05,596 these chemicals can make a pretty powerful stink bomb. 277 00:12:07,604 --> 00:12:09,538 These hands look wrong enough. 278 00:12:11,775 --> 00:12:14,869 And this field trip to the historic ghost town, 279 00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:17,277 I think we all know what that leads to-- 280 00:12:17,347 --> 00:12:20,714 the occult, devil worship, state colleges. 281 00:12:20,784 --> 00:12:24,151 So then it's agreed that the trip will be canceled. 282 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,689 Wait a minute. You can't decide that. 283 00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:28,155 You didn't even vote. 284 00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:31,319 I was only going by the general tone of the group. 285 00:12:31,394 --> 00:12:32,383 General tone? 286 00:12:32,462 --> 00:12:33,724 I haven't heard a peep... 287 00:12:33,797 --> 00:12:35,492 out of any of these other women all day. 288 00:12:35,565 --> 00:12:36,862 What, you all agree... 289 00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:39,231 with what Mrs. Control Freak here is saying? 290 00:12:39,302 --> 00:12:40,428 Well-- 291 00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:41,401 Phyllis! 292 00:12:41,471 --> 00:12:44,167 My name isn't Phyllis! 293 00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:47,438 And, no, I don't feel that way. 294 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:49,341 [ Woman ] I don't either! I never liked-- 295 00:12:49,412 --> 00:12:50,879 My husband told me to stand up to you... 296 00:12:50,947 --> 00:12:52,915 after I came home from that bake sale in tears. 297 00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:54,041 [ Women Arguing ] 298 00:12:54,117 --> 00:12:56,551 My soy burger... 299 00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:59,214 it's bleeding! 300 00:12:59,289 --> 00:13:00,779 This is meat! 301 00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:02,119 We're eating meat! 302 00:13:02,192 --> 00:13:03,659 Oh, my God! 303 00:13:05,662 --> 00:13:07,823 We're eating meat! 304 00:13:09,199 --> 00:13:10,461 [ Yelling ] 305 00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:19,235 [ Reese ] Get out of the way! 306 00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:20,435 Come here! 307 00:13:21,211 --> 00:13:23,076 [ All Arguing ] 308 00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:36,625 [ People Shrieking ] 309 00:13:37,961 --> 00:13:39,952 Okay, the difference between a stink bomb... 310 00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:41,827 and a level-three toxic biohazard... 311 00:13:41,898 --> 00:13:44,799 is apparently two extra drops of sulfur tetroxide. 312 00:13:44,868 --> 00:13:46,631 I'm totally suing that web site. 313 00:13:46,703 --> 00:13:48,534 - I didn't do it! - I didn't do it! 314 00:14:04,721 --> 00:14:07,781 I want... a receipt. 315 00:14:07,857 --> 00:14:09,552 [ Sobbing ] 316 00:14:09,626 --> 00:14:10,854 I'm kind of conflicted. 317 00:14:10,927 --> 00:14:13,293 On the one hand, I ruined Caroline's picnic... 318 00:14:13,363 --> 00:14:15,831 and very possibly endangered a hundred lives. 319 00:14:15,899 --> 00:14:18,390 On the other hand, now I don't have to do my act. 320 00:14:18,468 --> 00:14:20,459 [ Whimpering ] 321 00:14:20,537 --> 00:14:22,505 Did you miss me? 322 00:14:22,572 --> 00:14:24,506 Mm-hmm. 323 00:14:24,574 --> 00:14:27,270 So who was that girl with her hands all over you? 324 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,073 What girl, the paramedic? 325 00:14:29,145 --> 00:14:32,080 She was making sure I didn't inhale any toxic fumes. 326 00:14:32,148 --> 00:14:34,776 Oh, I'm sure you loved every moment of it. 327 00:14:34,851 --> 00:14:36,580 God, would you quit nagging me? 328 00:14:36,653 --> 00:14:38,712 Maybe if you paid a little more attention to me. 329 00:14:38,788 --> 00:14:39,755 More attention? 330 00:14:39,823 --> 00:14:40,881 You're smothering me. 331 00:14:40,957 --> 00:14:42,117 I need space. 332 00:14:42,192 --> 00:14:43,819 Oh, you'll get your space. 333 00:14:43,893 --> 00:14:45,383 We're through. 334 00:14:45,462 --> 00:14:46,588 Fine by me. 335 00:14:49,232 --> 00:14:51,564 Here's the school ring you gave me. 336 00:14:52,769 --> 00:14:54,703 The teddy bear key chain. 337 00:14:57,807 --> 00:14:59,468 - Your shirt. - Your two poems. 338 00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,407 The book you lent me. 339 00:15:01,478 --> 00:15:03,673 Your Depeche Mode tape! 340 00:15:03,747 --> 00:15:04,714 And here's your gum. 341 00:15:07,217 --> 00:15:08,445 I love Krelboynes. 342 00:15:08,518 --> 00:15:11,316 And I swear, I'm not just saying that. 343 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,583 Why would I? 344 00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:15,590 Nice hang time. 345 00:15:15,658 --> 00:15:17,148 Well, it's really a simple function... 346 00:15:17,227 --> 00:15:19,388 of the tensile strength of the elastic waistband. 347 00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:21,828 [ Sinister Chuckle ] 348 00:15:21,898 --> 00:15:24,458 [ Crying ] 349 00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:30,196 I brought you a hamburger. 350 00:15:30,273 --> 00:15:32,798 This should make us even, right? 351 00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:34,810 [ Sniffling ] 352 00:15:34,878 --> 00:15:36,812 Thank you. 353 00:15:42,619 --> 00:15:44,018 Is this meat? 354 00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:45,520 Uh, it might be. 355 00:15:49,526 --> 00:15:52,256 Look what I've been reduced to. 356 00:15:52,328 --> 00:15:53,625 [ Sobs ] 357 00:15:53,696 --> 00:15:56,529 Okay, well, um... 358 00:15:56,599 --> 00:15:58,829 I'm going to... 359 00:15:58,902 --> 00:16:01,132 Oh, Malcolm, I'm so sorry. 360 00:16:01,204 --> 00:16:02,136 Huh? 361 00:16:02,205 --> 00:16:04,139 I know how much... 362 00:16:04,207 --> 00:16:06,971 you were looking forward to doing your act, 363 00:16:07,043 --> 00:16:09,375 especially with your family here. 364 00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:11,243 I failed you. 365 00:16:11,314 --> 00:16:13,248 No, you didn't. 366 00:16:13,316 --> 00:16:15,250 Yes, I did. 367 00:16:15,318 --> 00:16:19,414 After today, they're going to fire my ass so fast. 368 00:16:19,489 --> 00:16:20,649 [ Crying ] 369 00:16:22,759 --> 00:16:24,317 My parents were right. 370 00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:26,919 I never should have left the cannery. 371 00:16:26,996 --> 00:16:28,520 [ Sniffling ] 372 00:16:28,598 --> 00:16:30,327 Want another hamburger? 373 00:16:32,535 --> 00:16:33,934 [ Gasping ] 374 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:36,301 Yes! 375 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:40,506 I do. I do. 376 00:16:40,577 --> 00:16:43,546 I really, really do. I... 377 00:16:43,613 --> 00:16:46,013 really... do. 378 00:16:46,082 --> 00:16:48,016 [ Sobbing ] 379 00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:49,551 Can you believe it? Meat. 380 00:16:49,619 --> 00:16:52,019 I don't know about you, but I'm outraged. 381 00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:53,248 I want you to know... 382 00:16:53,323 --> 00:16:56,918 that I am going to see to it that you never serve on a school committee, 383 00:16:56,993 --> 00:16:59,291 hold an office or even so much as set foot... 384 00:16:59,362 --> 00:17:01,956 in a P.T.A. meeting as long as I can help it. 385 00:17:02,031 --> 00:17:03,123 Is that a promise, lady? 386 00:17:03,199 --> 00:17:05,224 'Cause I'd really like to get that in writing. 387 00:17:05,301 --> 00:17:07,098 I should have expected as much... 388 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:09,638 from the mother of a foul-mouthed thug. 389 00:17:09,706 --> 00:17:12,971 What he's even doing in this class, I don't know. 390 00:17:14,677 --> 00:17:16,304 Oh, I see you made a friend. 391 00:17:16,379 --> 00:17:19,314 Yeah. Tomorrow we're going shopping for shoes. 392 00:17:19,382 --> 00:17:20,815 Academic circus? 393 00:17:20,884 --> 00:17:22,181 You got the circus part right. 394 00:17:22,252 --> 00:17:24,186 This is the biggest debacle I've ever seen. 395 00:17:24,254 --> 00:17:26,814 I guarantee you Principal Littledove will hear about this. 396 00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:29,688 [ Man ] He sure will, from all of us. 397 00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:31,249 Can I ask you a question? 398 00:17:31,327 --> 00:17:34,262 Yes. All women suck. 399 00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,025 No, I mean... you'd still like me... 400 00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:39,933 even if you found out I was a freak, right? 401 00:17:40,003 --> 00:17:42,198 The family wouldn't treat me any different, right? 402 00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:44,399 Dude, we already know you're smart. 403 00:17:44,474 --> 00:17:47,409 Yeah, but-- Never mind. 404 00:17:47,477 --> 00:17:49,468 Just don't say I didn't warn you. 405 00:17:53,249 --> 00:17:54,477 Look, it's Malcolm! 406 00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:56,849 [ Girl ] Hey, hey, Malcolm's going to do it, Dad! 407 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,319 The P.T.A. is on-line, missy. 408 00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:00,618 Are you aware of the power of the Internet? 409 00:18:00,690 --> 00:18:03,124 [ Everyone Talking Excitedly ] 410 00:18:03,192 --> 00:18:05,126 Hey, everyone look! 411 00:18:05,194 --> 00:18:07,458 Look, Malcolm's doing it. He's doing it. 412 00:18:07,530 --> 00:18:08,895 Hey, shut the hell up! 413 00:18:08,965 --> 00:18:11,593 [ Talking Stops ] 414 00:18:17,974 --> 00:18:19,407 Um... 415 00:18:19,475 --> 00:18:22,410 could somebody, please, show me some credit cards? 416 00:18:27,050 --> 00:18:28,347 Okay. 417 00:18:28,418 --> 00:18:29,680 The numbers on them are: 418 00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:33,813 3699-7 41 2-6823... 419 00:18:33,890 --> 00:18:36,825 91 40 and... 342 4... 420 00:18:36,893 --> 00:18:39,293 1 804-1 83 5... 421 00:18:39,362 --> 00:18:40,989 3668. 422 00:18:41,064 --> 00:18:42,691 He's right! 423 00:18:48,471 --> 00:18:49,631 Okay. 424 00:18:51,374 --> 00:18:53,672 If you add the individual digits on each card... 425 00:18:53,743 --> 00:18:55,677 you get 7 4 and 66. 426 00:18:55,745 --> 00:18:58,976 If you multiply those numbers, you get 4,884. 427 00:18:59,048 --> 00:19:01,073 How do we even know he's right? 428 00:19:01,150 --> 00:19:03,015 Oh, he's right. 429 00:19:04,821 --> 00:19:07,847 4,884 squared... 430 00:19:07,924 --> 00:19:11,087 is 23,853,456. 431 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,822 The square root of 4,884... 432 00:19:13,896 --> 00:19:16,763 is 69 and 885/1 ,000. 433 00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,824 The square root of that... 434 00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:21,495 is eight and 3,597 /1 0,000. 435 00:19:23,573 --> 00:19:24,631 Factor it! 436 00:19:24,707 --> 00:19:26,868 The factors are 23 2 and 73. 437 00:19:26,943 --> 00:19:28,274 Multiply it by pi. 438 00:19:28,344 --> 00:19:30,278 26 and 261 /1 ,000. 439 00:19:30,346 --> 00:19:33,110 - Cube it! - 584 and 21 4/1 ,000. 440 00:19:33,182 --> 00:19:34,149 The arc tangent! 441 00:19:34,217 --> 00:19:35,514 89 and 9/1 0 degrees. 442 00:19:35,585 --> 00:19:36,313 Natural log! 443 00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:38,786 6 and 3,699/1 0,000. 444 00:19:38,855 --> 00:19:40,516 - What's the reciprocal? - 1 7 /1 0,000. 445 00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:41,284 In base eight! 446 00:19:41,357 --> 00:19:42,654 1 1 ,431 . 447 00:19:42,725 --> 00:19:43,851 The capital of Iceland! 448 00:19:43,926 --> 00:19:45,689 Reykjavik-- but that's not math. 449 00:20:03,379 --> 00:20:05,313 [ Cloth Ripping ] 450 00:20:05,381 --> 00:20:07,008 Why can't you do that? 451 00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:08,311 Cellular mitosis. 452 00:20:08,384 --> 00:20:10,875 What are we paying your tutor for? 453 00:20:17,627 --> 00:20:19,458 Do you have any brothers? 454 00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:21,394 No. 455 00:20:21,464 --> 00:20:22,988 Ow! 456 00:20:25,134 --> 00:20:26,260 Hey. 457 00:20:26,335 --> 00:20:27,632 Hi. 458 00:20:29,305 --> 00:20:32,274 So, um... how you been? 459 00:20:32,341 --> 00:20:34,332 Fine. 460 00:20:35,845 --> 00:20:37,938 You look good. 461 00:20:38,014 --> 00:20:39,311 Yes, it was. 462 00:20:39,382 --> 00:20:40,906 It was a wonderful circus. 463 00:20:40,983 --> 00:20:43,213 So many people were worried-- 464 00:20:43,286 --> 00:20:45,618 Was it as bad as I think it was? 465 00:20:45,688 --> 00:20:48,248 Man, you killed. 466 00:20:48,324 --> 00:20:49,951 That's what I was afraid of. 467 00:20:50,026 --> 00:20:52,187 Sorry you didn't get to do your act. 468 00:20:52,261 --> 00:20:54,821 Shove... the sympathy, 469 00:20:54,897 --> 00:20:57,195 showboat. 470 00:20:57,266 --> 00:20:59,234 He fell on his butt and everything. 471 00:20:59,302 --> 00:21:00,735 He was just, like, dazed. 472 00:21:11,981 --> 00:21:13,915 Is Malcolm a robot? 473 00:21:15,618 --> 00:21:17,085 No, son, he's just smart. 474 00:21:18,421 --> 00:21:20,480 Very, very, 475 00:21:20,556 --> 00:21:23,286 very, very, very, very smart. 476 00:21:25,595 --> 00:21:26,391 Hey, Malcolm... 477 00:21:28,231 --> 00:21:30,825 how many fingers am I holding up? 478 00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:32,026 [ Everyone Laughing ] 479 00:21:32,101 --> 00:21:34,228 Shut up. 480 00:21:35,304 --> 00:21:37,033 Analyze what I had for lunch. 481 00:21:37,106 --> 00:21:38,038 [ Burps ] 482 00:21:38,107 --> 00:21:39,574 Get off me, you moron. 483 00:21:39,642 --> 00:21:41,041 You know what I don't understand? 484 00:21:41,110 --> 00:21:42,338 You rattle off those numbers... 485 00:21:42,411 --> 00:21:44,174 but you can't remember to brush your teeth. 486 00:21:44,247 --> 00:21:45,908 [ Hal ] Hey, who's for Burger Barn? 487 00:21:45,982 --> 00:21:48,576 [ Cheering ] 488 00:21:48,651 --> 00:21:49,447 Burger Barn! 489 00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:50,349 Burger Barn! Burger Barn!