1 00:00:13,994 --> 00:00:15,825 What are you looking at, monkey boy? 2 00:00:15,896 --> 00:00:17,022 Ow! 3 00:00:17,097 --> 00:00:18,257 Ow! Ow! Reese! 4 00:00:18,332 --> 00:00:19,765 What are you doing? 5 00:00:19,833 --> 00:00:21,323 Help! Ow! Help! 6 00:00:21,401 --> 00:00:22,425 Mom! 7 00:00:22,502 --> 00:00:24,231 Cut it out. Cut it out. 8 00:00:24,304 --> 00:00:25,236 Ow! Help! 9 00:00:25,305 --> 00:00:26,329 It hurts! Ow! 10 00:00:26,406 --> 00:00:28,101 Knock it off, you little... 11 00:00:28,175 --> 00:00:29,699 Reese, what the heck are you doing? 12 00:00:29,776 --> 00:00:34,338 You can't leave that kid alone for five minutes without picking on him! 13 00:00:34,414 --> 00:00:35,904 Reese: I didn't do anything, Mom. 14 00:00:35,982 --> 00:00:37,574 I gave him that. 15 00:00:37,651 --> 00:00:41,087 ? Yes, no, maybe ? 16 00:00:41,154 --> 00:00:43,622 ? I don't know ? 17 00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:46,955 ? Can you repeat the question? ? 18 00:00:47,027 --> 00:00:49,222 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 19 00:00:49,296 --> 00:00:51,628 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 20 00:00:51,698 --> 00:00:53,996 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 21 00:00:54,067 --> 00:00:56,058 ? And you're not so big ? 22 00:00:56,136 --> 00:00:58,570 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 23 00:00:58,638 --> 00:01:00,572 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 24 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,074 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 25 00:01:03,143 --> 00:01:05,873 ? And you're not so big ? 26 00:01:05,946 --> 00:01:09,780 ? Life is unfair. ? 27 00:01:14,955 --> 00:01:16,889 Honey, which juice don't I like-- 28 00:01:16,957 --> 00:01:18,390 apple or grape? 29 00:01:18,458 --> 00:01:20,892 - You don't like either. - Oh, right. 30 00:01:20,961 --> 00:01:23,486 Malcolm, what is all this stuff from your teacher? 31 00:01:23,563 --> 00:01:25,997 That woman sends home two or three fliers every day. 32 00:01:26,066 --> 00:01:27,328 She says she wants the parents... 33 00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:29,494 to be as involved as possible with the children. 34 00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:32,163 At school? It's the only break I get. 35 00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:35,003 What exactly is ''Personal Fulfillment Week''? 36 00:01:35,075 --> 00:01:36,542 Square dancing. 37 00:01:36,610 --> 00:01:38,976 That's right, square dancing. 38 00:01:39,045 --> 00:01:40,239 You should see it. 39 00:01:40,313 --> 00:01:42,247 The Krelboynes dance on the tetherball courts... 40 00:01:42,315 --> 00:01:43,646 in front of the whole school. 41 00:01:43,717 --> 00:01:44,843 We laugh our asses off. 42 00:01:46,653 --> 00:01:47,449 Excuse me? 43 00:01:47,521 --> 00:01:48,453 Butts. 44 00:01:48,522 --> 00:01:49,887 We laugh our butts off. 45 00:01:51,391 --> 00:01:53,188 Open. 46 00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:54,420 Swish. 47 00:01:54,494 --> 00:01:56,052 Spit. 48 00:01:56,129 --> 00:01:57,721 This tastes like crap. 49 00:01:57,798 --> 00:01:58,992 Reese is right. 50 00:01:59,065 --> 00:02:01,056 This class is turning me into a total weirdo. 51 00:02:01,134 --> 00:02:02,123 You are not a weirdo. 52 00:02:02,202 --> 00:02:03,294 You are gifted. 53 00:02:03,370 --> 00:02:06,737 And if gifted kids are supposed to square-dance, then you'll do it. 54 00:02:06,807 --> 00:02:08,069 Probably teaches you geometry. 55 00:02:09,209 --> 00:02:10,574 Don't forget to mail these bills. 56 00:02:10,644 --> 00:02:11,633 They're late. 57 00:02:11,711 --> 00:02:12,643 Two blues, one pink. 58 00:02:12,712 --> 00:02:13,644 We're doing better. 59 00:02:13,713 --> 00:02:14,771 Don't get cocky. 60 00:02:14,848 --> 00:02:17,442 They're hot until I deposit my paycheck. 61 00:02:17,517 --> 00:02:19,212 You kids, let's get going. 62 00:02:19,286 --> 00:02:21,220 You don't want them to do-si-do without you. 63 00:02:21,288 --> 00:02:22,721 That's it. 64 00:02:22,789 --> 00:02:25,815 For the sake of my manhood, today I'm ditching school. 65 00:02:25,892 --> 00:02:28,087 Hey, why don't I drive you boys to school today? 66 00:02:28,161 --> 00:02:29,526 Uh, that's okay, Dad. 67 00:02:29,596 --> 00:02:30,961 I don't mind walking. 68 00:02:31,031 --> 00:02:33,192 Oh, no, no, no. I really want to. 69 00:02:33,266 --> 00:02:37,032 A chance to spend a few extra minutes with my sons, enjoying their company... 70 00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:39,503 Honestly, son, it'll be the highlight of my day. 71 00:02:39,573 --> 00:02:41,268 Come on. 72 00:02:41,341 --> 00:02:44,276 Great. Now I can't even be mad at him. 73 00:02:47,481 --> 00:02:50,382 Aw, Stanley. 74 00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:53,214 Let me show you how it's done. 75 00:02:53,286 --> 00:02:54,719 Uh-oh, eyes down. 76 00:03:03,363 --> 00:03:04,625 That was good. 77 00:03:04,698 --> 00:03:06,757 You didn't give them any satisfaction. 78 00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:09,563 In another six months, they'll be bored with you. 79 00:03:11,238 --> 00:03:13,934 Man ( on TV ): ...get out of this one. 80 00:03:14,007 --> 00:03:17,135 Patterson has just reversed... 81 00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:18,177 ( Laughing ) 82 00:03:18,245 --> 00:03:19,872 That's got to hurt. 83 00:03:19,946 --> 00:03:22,437 Mom was right. 84 00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:26,282 I do get some sick thrill out of trouble. 85 00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:29,979 Ow! 86 00:03:30,056 --> 00:03:30,818 That skinny guy! 87 00:03:30,891 --> 00:03:31,983 Come on, get him! 88 00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:33,355 Commandant on the floor. 89 00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:35,690 Ten-hut! 90 00:03:42,569 --> 00:03:44,503 ( Snarling ) 91 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,907 I smell smoke. 92 00:03:48,975 --> 00:03:51,671 Who is responsible? 93 00:03:54,481 --> 00:03:55,539 Very well. 94 00:03:55,615 --> 00:03:58,049 We'll do it the hard way. 95 00:03:58,118 --> 00:03:59,710 Patton. 96 00:03:59,786 --> 00:04:01,686 ( Growling ) 97 00:04:04,824 --> 00:04:06,655 ( Growling ) 98 00:04:09,462 --> 00:04:11,726 ( Barking ) 99 00:04:11,798 --> 00:04:17,134 Francis, please lift up your right foot. 100 00:04:23,476 --> 00:04:25,671 Son, you have the worst attitude... 101 00:04:25,745 --> 00:04:29,112 I've ever seen in 1 5 years at this institution. 102 00:04:29,182 --> 00:04:32,845 You seem compelled to break every rule, to flout every convention. 103 00:04:32,919 --> 00:04:37,515 You are never going to make it-- in the armed forces or anywhere else. 104 00:04:37,591 --> 00:04:41,652 Now, I was never fortunate enough to serve in combat... 105 00:04:41,728 --> 00:04:44,094 but I do know what it requires. 106 00:04:44,164 --> 00:04:46,291 Look at this dog. 107 00:04:46,366 --> 00:04:48,800 He is vicious, he is ungrateful... 108 00:04:48,868 --> 00:04:53,237 and yet even he understands the importance of obedience. 109 00:04:53,306 --> 00:04:55,331 Do you hear what I am saying, Francis? 110 00:04:55,408 --> 00:04:56,602 Yes, sir. 111 00:04:56,676 --> 00:04:58,769 I'll try to be more like a Jack Russell terrier, sir. 112 00:05:00,947 --> 00:05:05,145 There will be no hot water for this floor for the entire month. 113 00:05:05,218 --> 00:05:08,153 You can thank the cadet after I leave. 114 00:05:10,523 --> 00:05:12,252 ( Snarling ) 115 00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:20,598 ( Blow Landing ) 116 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:21,599 Francis: Ow! 117 00:05:21,668 --> 00:05:25,468 Reese wiped his booger on my lunch bag. 118 00:05:25,538 --> 00:05:27,335 What have we taught you about snitching? 119 00:05:27,407 --> 00:05:29,307 ''Only snitch when asked to snitch.'' 120 00:05:29,376 --> 00:05:30,673 Good boy. 121 00:05:30,744 --> 00:05:33,269 So, looking forward to school? 122 00:05:33,346 --> 00:05:34,335 I guess. 123 00:05:34,414 --> 00:05:36,348 That's a shame. 124 00:05:36,416 --> 00:05:39,749 'Cause we're not going to school. 125 00:05:39,819 --> 00:05:41,684 ( Chuckling ) 126 00:05:41,755 --> 00:05:43,484 Where are we going? 127 00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:45,990 Boys, I'm going to share something with you... 128 00:05:46,059 --> 00:05:48,960 I hope you'll remember for the rest of your lives. 129 00:05:49,029 --> 00:05:50,826 Now, I don't want to spoil the surprise... 130 00:05:50,897 --> 00:05:53,388 but I've been planning this for years. 131 00:05:53,466 --> 00:05:57,994 I just had to wait until you were all old enough to appreciate it. 132 00:05:58,071 --> 00:05:59,698 Hookers? 133 00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:02,139 If it gets me out of square dancing, fine. 134 00:06:02,208 --> 00:06:05,700 Just sit back and enjoy the ride, boys. 135 00:06:05,779 --> 00:06:07,212 We're rebels. 136 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,510 We're wild men! 137 00:06:09,582 --> 00:06:11,049 ( Cackling ) 138 00:06:11,117 --> 00:06:12,141 Whoo! 139 00:06:12,218 --> 00:06:15,483 ( ''Sukiyaki''Sung InJapanese ) 140 00:06:25,632 --> 00:06:28,362 Where did I put the damn paycheck? 141 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:46,016 ( Gasping ) 142 00:06:46,086 --> 00:06:47,781 Yeah. 143 00:06:47,854 --> 00:06:50,015 Those guys are wimps. 144 00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:52,957 That's not even half the size of the one I gave you... 145 00:06:53,026 --> 00:06:54,789 just to get you out of riflery. 146 00:06:54,861 --> 00:06:57,421 Hey, thanks for pulling them off me. 147 00:06:57,497 --> 00:06:58,486 I owe you one. 148 00:06:58,565 --> 00:07:00,863 One? 149 00:07:00,934 --> 00:07:05,303 Hey, you want to see something very, very cool? 150 00:07:07,307 --> 00:07:09,798 Oh, boy, what have you done now? 151 00:07:11,711 --> 00:07:14,305 Francis: Oh, isn't he beautiful? 152 00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:15,506 He only cost me $20. 153 00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:16,776 I'm calling him Otis. 154 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,715 Did you listen to anything Spangler said? 155 00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:22,118 You're already in enough trouble as it is without bringing in a pet. 156 00:07:22,188 --> 00:07:24,247 Well, Spangler has that oversized gerbil. 157 00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:26,485 And besides, Otis is not a pet. 158 00:07:26,559 --> 00:07:28,288 Otis is a symbol. 159 00:07:28,361 --> 00:07:29,555 Of what? 160 00:07:29,629 --> 00:07:32,189 Of everything that is beautiful in the world. 161 00:07:32,265 --> 00:07:33,562 Independence... 162 00:07:33,633 --> 00:07:34,964 free thought. 163 00:07:35,034 --> 00:07:37,468 I may be stuck here in this militaristic loony bin... 164 00:07:37,537 --> 00:07:39,835 but at least some part of me can stay connected... 165 00:07:39,906 --> 00:07:41,771 to the things that give me my humanity. 166 00:07:41,841 --> 00:07:44,002 You're not going to turn me in, are you? 167 00:07:44,077 --> 00:07:45,339 I don't know. 168 00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:48,403 On the one hand, you're probably going to get caught... 169 00:07:48,481 --> 00:07:49,675 because you always do. 170 00:07:49,749 --> 00:07:52,013 Then, of course, I'll be involved... 171 00:07:52,085 --> 00:07:54,679 even though I had nothing to do with it. 172 00:07:54,754 --> 00:07:56,517 On the other hand... 173 00:07:57,957 --> 00:07:59,356 it's a snake. 174 00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:00,824 Good man! 175 00:08:00,894 --> 00:08:03,829 I think I'm starting to bring out the rebel in you. 176 00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:04,761 Touching. 177 00:08:04,831 --> 00:08:06,093 Right. 178 00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:07,098 Sorry. 179 00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,566 ( Bell Ringing ) 180 00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:27,443 Stock car races! 181 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,147 Oh, cool! 182 00:08:29,222 --> 00:08:30,246 That's right, boys. 183 00:08:30,323 --> 00:08:31,756 The real field of dreams-- 184 00:08:31,825 --> 00:08:34,316 only with concrete instead of all that grass. 185 00:08:34,394 --> 00:08:36,988 ? I don't want to work... ? 186 00:08:37,063 --> 00:08:38,155 Here we go. 187 00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:39,493 Excuse us, please. 188 00:08:39,566 --> 00:08:40,863 Oh, boys, boys. 189 00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:42,663 You see that blue car down in front? 190 00:08:42,735 --> 00:08:44,032 - Number 1 6? - Yeah. 191 00:08:44,103 --> 00:08:45,661 That is Rusty Malcolm. 192 00:08:45,738 --> 00:08:48,707 Greatest man in the history of the sport. 193 00:08:48,775 --> 00:08:50,333 Maybe the greatest man ever. 194 00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:52,401 1 5 NASCAR titles. 195 00:08:52,478 --> 00:08:53,536 Six world records. 196 00:08:53,613 --> 00:08:55,911 Inventor of the in-car urination system. 197 00:08:55,982 --> 00:08:57,449 The list is endless. 198 00:08:57,517 --> 00:09:01,476 And he came from nothing, just like you boys. 199 00:09:01,554 --> 00:09:03,419 You see, this is Rusty's last race ever. 200 00:09:03,489 --> 00:09:04,717 He's retiring. 201 00:09:04,791 --> 00:09:06,816 So, I wanted to share him with you before he went... 202 00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:11,455 so that you can see for yourselves how much you can accomplish in this world... 203 00:09:11,531 --> 00:09:13,590 with a little persistence and determination. 204 00:09:13,666 --> 00:09:17,534 Did you read that article in People about him getting a divorce? 205 00:09:17,604 --> 00:09:19,765 Shut your filthy mouth. 206 00:09:26,446 --> 00:09:28,505 You know, you were named after Rusty, Malcolm. 207 00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:30,515 I was? 208 00:09:30,583 --> 00:09:31,607 Yessiree, Bob. 209 00:09:31,684 --> 00:09:34,244 Took me two kids to win that argument. 210 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,412 Announcer: And there they go. 211 00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:38,984 Whoo! 212 00:09:40,493 --> 00:09:44,862 Gentlemen, start your excitement, because here they come! 213 00:09:44,931 --> 00:09:46,193 ( Whooping ) 214 00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:50,134 He won! 215 00:09:50,203 --> 00:09:51,670 Rusty Malcolm won! 216 00:09:51,738 --> 00:09:52,966 No, sweetheart. 217 00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:54,700 That was just the pace lap. 218 00:09:54,774 --> 00:09:56,401 How many laps are there? 219 00:09:56,476 --> 00:09:57,773 Oh, hundreds. 220 00:09:57,844 --> 00:10:00,074 We've got four hours of this. 221 00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:01,738 Four hours?! 222 00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:02,940 Uh-huh. 223 00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:05,280 Do we at least get to see any flaming wrecks? 224 00:10:05,351 --> 00:10:06,841 Reese, it's not about that. 225 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,684 See, it's about strategy and technique. 226 00:10:09,756 --> 00:10:12,782 It's about the melding of man and machine. 227 00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:15,419 The wrecks are just sort of a bonus. 228 00:10:15,495 --> 00:10:16,860 Dewey... 229 00:10:16,930 --> 00:10:19,330 you can keep track of the laps. 230 00:10:47,961 --> 00:10:50,191 Can we go get sodas? 231 00:10:50,263 --> 00:10:52,424 What? Already? 232 00:10:52,498 --> 00:10:53,863 Well, okay. 233 00:10:53,933 --> 00:10:56,902 Guess it can't be a special day without sodas, huh? 234 00:10:56,970 --> 00:10:58,562 Here. 235 00:10:58,638 --> 00:11:00,401 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 236 00:11:00,473 --> 00:11:02,236 Get your dad a beer. 237 00:11:02,308 --> 00:11:03,935 Take my I.D. 238 00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,443 Come on, Rusty! 239 00:11:05,511 --> 00:11:08,446 ( Vacuum Cleaner Running ) 240 00:11:14,754 --> 00:11:16,517 Firecrackers. 241 00:11:16,589 --> 00:11:18,352 Malcolm. 242 00:11:21,094 --> 00:11:22,857 ( Vacuum Cleaner Stops ) 243 00:11:22,929 --> 00:11:24,362 ( Chuckles ) 244 00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:26,193 I'm going to say Reese. 245 00:11:31,938 --> 00:11:35,704 Three rooms to go, and already I have enough evidence... 246 00:11:35,775 --> 00:11:37,572 to ground them for life. 247 00:11:37,643 --> 00:11:38,735 Dewey, stay with us. 248 00:11:38,811 --> 00:11:39,869 You're going to get lost. 249 00:11:39,946 --> 00:11:41,038 No, I won't. 250 00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:43,378 Yes, you will. You always do. 251 00:11:43,449 --> 00:11:44,711 You know you could help. 252 00:11:44,784 --> 00:11:45,716 I'm watching him. 253 00:11:45,785 --> 00:11:46,843 He's right over... 254 00:11:49,489 --> 00:11:51,218 Man, how does he do that? 255 00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:52,257 Totally your fault! 256 00:11:52,325 --> 00:11:53,849 He was right in your eye line. 257 00:11:53,926 --> 00:11:55,621 You don't pay attention to anything! 258 00:11:55,695 --> 00:11:57,492 I pay attention. 259 00:11:57,563 --> 00:11:58,962 Score! 260 00:11:59,032 --> 00:12:01,626 What are you doing? 261 00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,669 ( Muffled ): Too slow. 262 00:12:03,736 --> 00:12:04,828 Come on. 263 00:12:04,904 --> 00:12:06,872 Let's just go find Dewey. 264 00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:08,099 This place sucks. 265 00:12:08,174 --> 00:12:09,505 It's hot, it stinks... 266 00:12:09,575 --> 00:12:12,237 nobody's T-shirts cover their stomachs... 267 00:12:12,311 --> 00:12:14,336 and I'm bored out of my mind. 268 00:12:14,414 --> 00:12:15,676 Hey. 269 00:12:15,748 --> 00:12:17,443 Look at that. 270 00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:18,779 Let's check it out. 271 00:12:18,851 --> 00:12:19,943 I don't know. 272 00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:21,577 It doesn't just say ''keep out.'' 273 00:12:21,654 --> 00:12:22,916 It says ''forbidden.'' 274 00:12:22,989 --> 00:12:24,980 And they wouldn't bother making it ''forbidden'' 275 00:12:25,058 --> 00:12:27,583 if it wasn't something totally bitchin' on the other side. 276 00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:30,254 Wow. I can't find a flaw in his logic. 277 00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:31,421 Come on. 278 00:12:31,497 --> 00:12:34,432 What's the worst that could happen? 279 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,593 We didn't do anything! 280 00:12:36,669 --> 00:12:37,931 I'm a diabetic. 281 00:12:38,004 --> 00:12:39,096 I need insulin. 282 00:12:39,172 --> 00:12:40,764 Sit down! 283 00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:43,936 You are such an idiot! 284 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:47,036 It actually was pretty bitchin'. 285 00:12:47,113 --> 00:12:50,048 And I'm totally getting one of these for Christmas. 286 00:12:56,722 --> 00:12:58,314 ( Doorbell Rings ) 287 00:12:58,391 --> 00:13:00,325 What does the sign say? 288 00:13:00,393 --> 00:13:01,985 Woman: ''No soliciting.'' 289 00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:03,995 Well, that includes Jesus. 290 00:13:04,063 --> 00:13:08,397 No, it's Caroline Miller, Malcolm's teacher. 291 00:13:08,468 --> 00:13:10,698 I need to talk to you. 292 00:13:10,770 --> 00:13:13,534 Yeah, come on in. 293 00:13:14,974 --> 00:13:16,407 Oh, spring cleaning? 294 00:13:16,476 --> 00:13:17,738 Oh, ho. 295 00:13:17,810 --> 00:13:20,370 Yeah, I'm cleaning house, all right. 296 00:13:20,446 --> 00:13:22,380 I'm sorry to bother you at home... 297 00:13:22,448 --> 00:13:24,609 but when Malcolm didn't show up for school today... 298 00:13:24,684 --> 00:13:25,616 What? 299 00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:27,084 Malcolm cut school today? 300 00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:29,519 Yeah. Actually, not just today. 301 00:13:29,589 --> 00:13:33,753 Now, your first reaction is probably going to be one of understandable... 302 00:13:33,826 --> 00:13:35,691 Wait! 303 00:13:37,330 --> 00:13:38,388 ''Ditching.'' 304 00:13:38,464 --> 00:13:40,523 We have a winner! 305 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,125 ( Scraping Sound ) 306 00:13:43,202 --> 00:13:45,796 Anyway, this week... 307 00:13:45,872 --> 00:13:48,397 we've been doing a lot of work on folk movement... 308 00:13:48,474 --> 00:13:52,103 and I-I think that Malcolm may be ditching because he's afraid that... 309 00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:55,443 well, that he may not seem... graceful. 310 00:14:00,686 --> 00:14:02,381 Oh, you're serious. 311 00:14:02,455 --> 00:14:03,683 Yes, I'm serious. 312 00:14:03,756 --> 00:14:06,224 I think he may have body issues. 313 00:14:06,292 --> 00:14:07,418 ( Chuckling ) 314 00:14:07,493 --> 00:14:09,586 Look, honey, you're probably very bright... 315 00:14:09,662 --> 00:14:11,823 but you've got a lot to learn about boys. 316 00:14:11,898 --> 00:14:16,426 First off, they're able to think maybe three minutes into the future... 317 00:14:16,502 --> 00:14:19,369 and it's our job to make sure that future comes crashing down on them... 318 00:14:19,438 --> 00:14:21,167 within the time limit. 319 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,935 Otherwise, they never learn anything. 320 00:14:23,009 --> 00:14:24,033 Help lift. 321 00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:30,674 Eew! What is that? 322 00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:32,183 Don't be such a baby. 323 00:14:32,251 --> 00:14:33,616 I'll get the tongs. 324 00:14:35,855 --> 00:14:37,914 I'll be Kevin. 325 00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:39,252 You be Clyde. 326 00:14:39,325 --> 00:14:41,054 Think you can cry? 327 00:14:41,127 --> 00:14:42,788 No. I got to feel it. 328 00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:46,459 Ooh, I got an idea. 329 00:14:46,532 --> 00:14:47,794 No! 330 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,129 Just follow my lead. 331 00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:50,829 No, Reese. Whatever it is, no! 332 00:14:54,006 --> 00:14:59,308 Well, I guess you boys had some time to think about what you've done. 333 00:14:59,378 --> 00:15:00,538 Yes, sir. 334 00:15:00,613 --> 00:15:04,105 Look, I, uh, used to be your age... 335 00:15:04,183 --> 00:15:06,981 and I understand how tempting a place like that can be. 336 00:15:07,053 --> 00:15:10,489 And I guess you kids really didn't do any major harm... 337 00:15:10,556 --> 00:15:12,387 so I've decided to let you off... 338 00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:13,857 You idiot! 339 00:15:16,062 --> 00:15:17,154 Open it! 340 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:18,254 It's locked! 341 00:15:19,899 --> 00:15:23,858 Okay, I think I can cry now. 342 00:15:23,936 --> 00:15:26,234 Announcer: ...And Rusty Malcolm... 343 00:15:26,305 --> 00:15:30,901 has retaken the lead with only 1 00 laps to go. 344 00:15:41,787 --> 00:15:43,448 Rusty: Great beverage work, Hal! 345 00:15:43,522 --> 00:15:44,955 My pleasure, Rusty! 346 00:15:45,024 --> 00:15:46,116 ( Voice Echoing ) 347 00:15:46,192 --> 00:15:48,422 Here comes Rusty Malcolm into the pits. 348 00:15:48,494 --> 00:15:50,257 It's going to be four tires... 349 00:15:50,329 --> 00:15:52,593 Hey, how about that, boys? 350 00:15:52,665 --> 00:15:54,599 ( Sighs ) 351 00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:57,568 Well, this just plain hurts my feelings. 352 00:15:57,637 --> 00:15:59,070 Oh, man. 353 00:16:00,339 --> 00:16:01,271 Oh, ma... 354 00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:02,500 Stanley, I'm sorry, I... 355 00:16:02,575 --> 00:16:03,769 Wait. 356 00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:07,142 I'm trying to see if I'm inspired by its symbolic bid for freedom. 357 00:16:07,213 --> 00:16:08,578 No. I'm just really pissed. 358 00:16:08,648 --> 00:16:10,013 Okay, don't overreact. 359 00:16:10,082 --> 00:16:11,310 It's just a snake, right? 360 00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:13,409 So, it's got to be around here somewhere. 361 00:16:13,486 --> 00:16:14,578 No big deal. 362 00:16:14,654 --> 00:16:15,746 ( Dog Barking ) 363 00:16:15,821 --> 00:16:17,083 ( Whimpering ) 364 00:16:17,156 --> 00:16:19,090 Spangler: Oh, my God! Patton, no! 365 00:16:19,158 --> 00:16:21,558 ( Two Gunshots ) 366 00:16:21,627 --> 00:16:25,324 Hi, Mom. Uh, I was just thinking about how much I missed you guys... 367 00:16:25,398 --> 00:16:28,993 and... I was thinking I should come for a visit, you know, like today. 368 00:16:29,068 --> 00:16:31,502 There's a flight leaving in half an hour and I already booked it... 369 00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,231 so I just need your credit card number to... 370 00:16:33,306 --> 00:16:34,739 Well, honey, here's the thing. 371 00:16:34,807 --> 00:16:38,402 Right now you are actually better off being as far away from me as possible. 372 00:16:38,477 --> 00:16:39,466 But... 373 00:16:39,545 --> 00:16:41,012 You got to trust me on this one, Francis... 374 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,548 or, uh, should I say... 375 00:16:43,616 --> 00:16:46,380 ''Olaf Mortenson'' of Wheatville, Montana? 376 00:16:47,486 --> 00:16:49,044 ( Dial Tone ) 377 00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:52,955 You know, I have learned more in two hours with you... 378 00:16:53,025 --> 00:16:55,926 than I have in six years of teaching. 379 00:16:55,995 --> 00:16:57,929 ( Sighs ) So, did your life... 380 00:16:57,997 --> 00:17:00,124 turn out anything at all like you planned? 381 00:17:00,199 --> 00:17:01,791 Oh, God, no. 382 00:17:01,867 --> 00:17:03,664 Oh, when I was a girl... 383 00:17:03,736 --> 00:17:07,069 I had all these crazy, romantic dreams. 384 00:17:07,139 --> 00:17:10,802 I wanted to be a blackjack dealer in an Indian reservation. 385 00:17:10,876 --> 00:17:12,810 Didn't work out. 386 00:17:12,878 --> 00:17:14,140 Stubby thumbs. 387 00:17:14,213 --> 00:17:17,273 Well, at least you have your home and your family. 388 00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:21,116 All I come home to every night are three howling cats and... Bob. 389 00:17:21,187 --> 00:17:22,279 Who's Bob? 390 00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:24,152 My shower head. 391 00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:33,630 Do you have anything stronger? 392 00:17:33,699 --> 00:17:35,633 I'm way ahead of you. 393 00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:39,137 ...and it looks like Rusty Malcolm will win his final race! 394 00:17:39,205 --> 00:17:40,934 Rusty! 395 00:17:41,006 --> 00:17:44,498 I can't believe they're missing this. 396 00:17:44,577 --> 00:17:47,546 Rusty Malcolm maintains the lead high off the third turn... 397 00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:51,242 ( Tires Screeching ) 398 00:17:51,317 --> 00:17:53,581 What...? 399 00:17:53,652 --> 00:17:55,586 Oh, for the love of God! 400 00:17:55,654 --> 00:17:57,679 What happened? What happened? 401 00:17:58,991 --> 00:18:01,585 Rusty do something? 402 00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:02,922 Missed it! 403 00:18:02,995 --> 00:18:04,826 What'd he do? 404 00:18:04,897 --> 00:18:07,491 ( Metallic Squeaking ) 405 00:18:07,566 --> 00:18:13,505 Men... a terrible tragedy has befallen us. 406 00:18:13,572 --> 00:18:17,474 At approximately 1 7 00 hours... 407 00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:24,642 our beloved Patton was set upon by a serpent and devoured. 408 00:18:24,717 --> 00:18:28,244 I, myself, fired a few rounds as it slithered away... 409 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,289 but, hampered by a lack of depth perception... 410 00:18:31,357 --> 00:18:33,086 my efforts were useless. 411 00:18:33,159 --> 00:18:34,490 ( Sniffles ) 412 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,587 Now... after an incident such as this... 413 00:18:38,664 --> 00:18:41,428 certain questions arise. 414 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,559 Leaving aside for the moment... 415 00:18:43,636 --> 00:18:48,005 why God feels the need to take away everything that I love... 416 00:18:48,073 --> 00:18:53,010 that leaves us with the matter of who is responsible. 417 00:18:55,314 --> 00:18:58,408 Can you explain that, Francis? 418 00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:01,920 Yes, sir. I believe you lost that finger trying to start the school lawn mower. 419 00:19:01,987 --> 00:19:03,750 What is in the hand? 420 00:19:03,823 --> 00:19:05,882 They appear to be Raisinettes, sir. 421 00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:09,553 They are snake droppings, found in your footlocker. 422 00:19:09,628 --> 00:19:12,597 Now, what do you have to say for yourself? 423 00:19:12,665 --> 00:19:16,931 Sir, I'm obviously the victim of an elaborate conspiracy to frame me. 424 00:19:17,002 --> 00:19:18,401 It's just too perfect, sir. 425 00:19:18,471 --> 00:19:21,736 Two months! 426 00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:23,570 No hot water, no television... 427 00:19:23,642 --> 00:19:26,805 and an 8:00 p.m. curfew for the entire academy! 428 00:19:29,148 --> 00:19:33,608 Feel free to thank the cadet after I leave. 429 00:19:37,122 --> 00:19:38,555 Could I ask one favor? 430 00:19:38,624 --> 00:19:41,491 Send a picture to my mom with ''I told you so'' written across it. 431 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,460 Yeah! Whoo! 432 00:19:44,864 --> 00:19:45,922 Way to go, man. 433 00:19:45,998 --> 00:19:46,987 What? 434 00:19:47,066 --> 00:19:48,897 We hated that yappy, little rat. 435 00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:50,629 Let's hear it for Francis, you guys! 436 00:19:50,703 --> 00:19:51,635 ( Cheering ) 437 00:19:57,076 --> 00:19:59,909 This is an improvement, right? 438 00:19:59,979 --> 00:20:01,241 Reese! 439 00:20:01,313 --> 00:20:02,905 Rusty Malcolm wins the stock car... 440 00:20:02,982 --> 00:20:05,644 Malcolm! 441 00:20:05,718 --> 00:20:06,980 ( Grunts ) 442 00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:08,019 Hi, Dad. 443 00:20:08,087 --> 00:20:09,987 Hi. Where are your brothers? 444 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:15,786 Oh, geez. 445 00:20:15,861 --> 00:20:17,761 Come on. 446 00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:21,789 Uh... what seems to be the trouble here, Officer, uh... Karl? 447 00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:23,767 These your boys? 448 00:20:23,836 --> 00:20:26,134 Yes, sir, that they are. Couldn't be prouder of them. 449 00:20:26,205 --> 00:20:29,663 These are two of the worst kids I have ever encountered in my life. 450 00:20:29,742 --> 00:20:31,505 And I work the state fair. 451 00:20:31,577 --> 00:20:33,670 Really? See, that must be fascinating-- 452 00:20:33,746 --> 00:20:36,681 Seeing people from all over, the different cultures... 453 00:20:36,749 --> 00:20:39,741 I don't want to be a hard case here, but these kids physically attacked me. 454 00:20:39,818 --> 00:20:42,013 Plus, they completely destroyed a $300 pneumatic drill... 455 00:20:42,087 --> 00:20:44,453 which someone's going to pay for. 456 00:20:44,523 --> 00:20:46,923 Well, this all sounds pretty serious. 457 00:20:46,992 --> 00:20:49,290 But don't you worry, Officer Karl. 458 00:20:49,361 --> 00:20:51,921 They are going to hear all about it when I get them home. 459 00:20:51,997 --> 00:20:55,728 I'm just sorry that they had to put you through all of this. That's not fair. 460 00:20:55,801 --> 00:20:58,361 And I, uh, see, I fully intend to pay for... 461 00:20:58,437 --> 00:20:59,904 ( Groans ) 462 00:20:59,972 --> 00:21:01,064 Clyde, Kevin! 463 00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:02,164 Get to the car! 464 00:21:02,241 --> 00:21:03,299 ( Moaning ) 465 00:21:03,375 --> 00:21:04,467 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 466 00:21:04,543 --> 00:21:07,512 Ooh! 467 00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:09,377 ( Chuckling ) 468 00:21:09,448 --> 00:21:10,710 Okay. 469 00:21:10,783 --> 00:21:12,375 All right, men. 470 00:21:12,451 --> 00:21:15,978 Well, I hope you've all learned something today, huh? 471 00:21:16,055 --> 00:21:19,684 I learned my dad is actually capable of doing something cool. 472 00:21:19,758 --> 00:21:22,818 I'm not saying violence is cool, but that was cool! 473 00:21:22,895 --> 00:21:25,227 I always wondered where we got it from. 474 00:21:25,297 --> 00:21:28,323 Program... tickets... 475 00:21:29,969 --> 00:21:31,231 Huh. 476 00:21:31,303 --> 00:21:32,861 Your mother's paycheck. 477 00:21:32,938 --> 00:21:36,772 Now, boys, remember, as far as your mom knows... 478 00:21:36,842 --> 00:21:40,278 I have been at work all day. 479 00:21:40,346 --> 00:21:41,278 ( Laughing ) 480 00:21:41,347 --> 00:21:42,609 Okay, go on. 481 00:21:42,681 --> 00:21:44,615 All right. 482 00:21:54,226 --> 00:21:58,185 Well, at least she doesn't know I skipped school all week.