1 00:00:02,593 --> 00:00:05,289 ''I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye 2 00:00:05,362 --> 00:00:08,126 '''tis but the pale reflect of Cynthia's brow 3 00:00:08,198 --> 00:00:10,291 ''nor that is not the lark 4 00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:12,301 ''whose notes do beat 5 00:00:12,369 --> 00:00:15,133 ''the vaulty heavens so high above our heads. 6 00:00:15,205 --> 00:00:18,106 ''I have more care to stay than will to go. 7 00:00:18,175 --> 00:00:20,575 Come, Death. And welcome.'' 8 00:00:23,580 --> 00:00:25,639 Yes! He nailed it! 9 00:00:25,716 --> 00:00:31,177 Malcolm, that was wonderful! 10 00:00:31,255 --> 00:00:34,782 So sensitive and full of passion. 11 00:00:34,858 --> 00:00:37,520 It was just beautiful. 12 00:00:40,731 --> 00:00:42,062 Before you say anything 13 00:00:42,132 --> 00:00:43,997 just remember we're best friends. 14 00:00:44,067 --> 00:00:45,227 So that wheelchair 15 00:00:45,302 --> 00:00:47,668 isn't going to stop me from kicking your ass. 16 00:00:47,738 --> 00:00:51,174 Bring it on, Homeo. 17 00:00:51,241 --> 00:00:54,677 ? Yes, no, maybe ? 18 00:00:54,745 --> 00:00:57,213 ? I don't know ? 19 00:00:57,281 --> 00:01:00,546 ? Can you repeat the question? ? 20 00:01:00,617 --> 00:01:02,812 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 21 00:01:02,886 --> 00:01:05,218 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 22 00:01:05,289 --> 00:01:07,587 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 23 00:01:07,658 --> 00:01:09,649 ? And you're not so big ? 24 00:01:09,726 --> 00:01:12,160 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 25 00:01:12,229 --> 00:01:14,163 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 26 00:01:14,231 --> 00:01:16,665 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 27 00:01:16,733 --> 00:01:19,463 ? And you're not so big ? 28 00:01:19,536 --> 00:01:24,098 ? Life is unfair. ?? 29 00:01:24,174 --> 00:01:27,166 Lois: What do you mean what happens when you die? 30 00:01:27,244 --> 00:01:28,768 You're dead. 31 00:01:28,845 --> 00:01:30,369 That's it. 32 00:01:30,447 --> 00:01:32,745 Now, honey, that's not quite true. 33 00:01:32,816 --> 00:01:34,147 Actually, son, after death 34 00:01:34,217 --> 00:01:37,084 your body undergoes a fascinating series of changes. 35 00:01:37,154 --> 00:01:39,179 First it bloats up like a balloon 36 00:01:39,256 --> 00:01:41,019 then shrivels like a raisin. 37 00:01:41,091 --> 00:01:42,820 Then tiny microbes 38 00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:45,453 you can't even see, but are on you right now 39 00:01:45,529 --> 00:01:47,087 start to devour your flesh 40 00:01:47,164 --> 00:01:50,327 and return all the elements in your body back to the soil. 41 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,368 Now, some people will tell you 42 00:01:52,436 --> 00:01:56,099 that your hair keeps growing, but that's... that's a myth. 43 00:01:56,173 --> 00:01:58,368 It's actually your head that shrinks. 44 00:01:58,442 --> 00:02:01,172 Now go get ready for Aunt Helen's funeral. 45 00:02:03,847 --> 00:02:07,010 Julie, listen, I'm sorry I'm canceling out so late. 46 00:02:07,084 --> 00:02:08,346 That's okay. 47 00:02:08,418 --> 00:02:10,079 I mean, it's a funeral. 48 00:02:10,153 --> 00:02:12,212 So, were you close with your aunt? 49 00:02:12,289 --> 00:02:13,779 No, but I guess my mom was. 50 00:02:13,857 --> 00:02:16,052 She keeps saying how important this is. 51 00:02:16,126 --> 00:02:17,616 Anyway, I'm really sorry. 52 00:02:17,694 --> 00:02:20,026 Especially since you're stuck with the extra ticket. 53 00:02:20,097 --> 00:02:21,029 Well, that's okay. 54 00:02:21,098 --> 00:02:22,395 Maybe I'll askJimmy to go. 55 00:02:22,466 --> 00:02:23,558 Who's Jimmy? 56 00:02:23,634 --> 00:02:25,261 Jimmy Westcott. He plays football. 57 00:02:25,335 --> 00:02:27,360 Bye. 58 00:02:27,437 --> 00:02:31,305 Oh, yeah. Life's fair. 59 00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:33,036 Did you call that girl? 60 00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:35,806 Yes, I called her and told her I couldn't go to the concert 61 00:02:35,879 --> 00:02:38,473 and now she's probably going to invite someone else. 62 00:02:38,548 --> 00:02:41,574 Well, Malcolm, I'm sorry that my mother's sister-- 63 00:02:41,652 --> 00:02:44,815 the woman who took care of me every day after school-- 64 00:02:44,888 --> 00:02:46,617 had to die and inconvenience 65 00:02:46,690 --> 00:02:47,850 your social life. 66 00:02:47,924 --> 00:02:49,551 She does it on purpose. 67 00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:53,494 I could have made up a million different escape plans 68 00:02:53,563 --> 00:02:56,623 but now my brain is filled with mom guilt. 69 00:03:05,642 --> 00:03:06,836 Who's this? 70 00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:08,343 How should I know. 71 00:03:08,412 --> 00:03:09,310 Hal? 72 00:03:09,379 --> 00:03:11,813 Beats me. 73 00:03:11,882 --> 00:03:13,474 Dewey... 74 00:03:15,318 --> 00:03:17,286 is this a friend of yours? 75 00:03:17,354 --> 00:03:18,013 Uh-huh. 76 00:03:18,088 --> 00:03:18,782 Who is he? 77 00:03:18,855 --> 00:03:19,719 I don't know. 78 00:03:22,526 --> 00:03:24,084 What's your name, son? 79 00:03:26,263 --> 00:03:27,525 ( inaudible ) 80 00:03:27,597 --> 00:03:28,825 Did he say Greg? 81 00:03:28,899 --> 00:03:30,833 I thought he said Craig. 82 00:03:30,901 --> 00:03:32,425 His name is Egg. 83 00:03:32,502 --> 00:03:34,129 Egg? 84 00:03:34,204 --> 00:03:35,034 I named him. 85 00:03:35,105 --> 00:03:36,697 Well, you can't keep him. 86 00:03:36,773 --> 00:03:39,401 He needs to go home, okay? 87 00:03:39,476 --> 00:03:40,568 Okay. 88 00:03:41,645 --> 00:03:42,976 This stinks. 89 00:03:43,046 --> 00:03:45,378 Whether it's a wedding, funeral or court date 90 00:03:45,449 --> 00:03:47,747 these family gatherings are always the same. 91 00:03:54,791 --> 00:03:56,759 I can't wait till I get zits. 92 00:03:56,827 --> 00:03:58,795 At least then I can fight back. 93 00:03:58,862 --> 00:04:00,295 Hal, you have to get ready. 94 00:04:00,363 --> 00:04:02,957 Why are you still messing around with those record albums? 95 00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:05,524 I thought I was going to spend today in the garage 96 00:04:05,602 --> 00:04:07,001 listening to them on my quadraphonic 97 00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:08,560 but now that we're going to the funeral 98 00:04:08,638 --> 00:04:10,401 I have to reseal the shrink wrap. 99 00:04:10,474 --> 00:04:11,406 Hal! 100 00:04:11,475 --> 00:04:13,033 I have to get my speech ready. 101 00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:14,975 Honey, you know you don't have to talk 102 00:04:15,045 --> 00:04:16,376 at every funeral we go to. 103 00:04:16,446 --> 00:04:17,572 I wish that were true. 104 00:04:17,647 --> 00:04:19,137 You see how people look to me 105 00:04:19,216 --> 00:04:21,810 when they ask if somebody has a few words to say? 106 00:04:21,885 --> 00:04:23,750 They're not looking to you 107 00:04:23,820 --> 00:04:24,878 they're looking at you. 108 00:04:24,955 --> 00:04:26,513 To, at... what's the difference? 109 00:04:26,590 --> 00:04:29,252 ( phone ringing ) 110 00:04:29,326 --> 00:04:30,588 Hello. 111 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:32,150 Hey, Mom, I'm just warning you 112 00:04:32,229 --> 00:04:34,663 someone claiming to be the Commandant might call you. 113 00:04:34,731 --> 00:04:36,096 It's this guy down the hall. 114 00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:38,100 Play along and pretend you believe him. 115 00:04:38,168 --> 00:04:39,260 He's totally harmless. 116 00:04:39,336 --> 00:04:40,769 I can't talk to you right now. 117 00:04:40,837 --> 00:04:42,862 We're on our way to Aunt Helen's funeral. 118 00:04:42,939 --> 00:04:43,871 Aunt Helen died? 119 00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:44,998 Well, I sure hope so. 120 00:04:45,075 --> 00:04:46,633 We're going to her funeral. 121 00:04:46,710 --> 00:04:48,075 Well, when did she die? 122 00:04:48,145 --> 00:04:50,545 Mom, why didn't anybody tell me? 123 00:04:50,614 --> 00:04:52,775 We didn't want to have to worry you over nothing. 124 00:04:52,849 --> 00:04:53,781 Nothing? She's dead. 125 00:04:53,850 --> 00:04:55,112 How's Uncle Fred taking it? 126 00:04:55,185 --> 00:04:57,016 I don't think he's thought too much about it. 127 00:04:57,087 --> 00:04:58,076 He died two months ago. 128 00:04:58,155 --> 00:04:59,349 What?! 129 00:04:59,422 --> 00:05:01,287 Francis, I'm sorry. I really have to go. 130 00:05:01,358 --> 00:05:03,326 Here, talk to your brother. 131 00:05:03,393 --> 00:05:05,190 Mom? Hello? 132 00:05:05,262 --> 00:05:06,661 All right, let's see it. 133 00:05:07,764 --> 00:05:09,026 I can't breathe. 134 00:05:09,099 --> 00:05:10,361 Fine. 135 00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:11,559 You know the drill. 136 00:05:11,635 --> 00:05:12,727 Upgrade. 137 00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:23,412 See? Problem solved. 138 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,209 Hello? 139 00:05:25,282 --> 00:05:26,249 Oh. 140 00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:27,783 Okay, well, you can wear 141 00:05:27,851 --> 00:05:30,411 one of the suits that Uncle Fred left you. 142 00:05:30,487 --> 00:05:33,251 Aw, Mom, a dead suit? 143 00:05:33,323 --> 00:05:35,723 Cool. A dead suit. 144 00:05:38,161 --> 00:05:39,628 Dewey, why don't you help 145 00:05:39,696 --> 00:05:42,722 your little friend find his way out? 146 00:05:42,799 --> 00:05:46,565 Dewey: I did. He keeps coming back. 147 00:05:48,672 --> 00:05:50,833 This thing's an open casket, right? 148 00:05:50,907 --> 00:05:52,465 I think so. Why? 149 00:05:52,542 --> 00:05:56,239 Because I'm going to stash this with Aunt Helen. 150 00:05:56,313 --> 00:05:57,302 What is that? 151 00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:58,347 It's a Mighty Man. 152 00:05:58,415 --> 00:05:59,780 Mom and Dad had it in their closet 153 00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:00,782 for some reason. 154 00:06:00,851 --> 00:06:02,443 It's Dewey's birthday next week. 155 00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:03,543 This is his present. 156 00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,144 Oh. 157 00:06:05,222 --> 00:06:06,052 What'd you do to it? 158 00:06:06,122 --> 00:06:07,111 I stomped on it. 159 00:06:07,190 --> 00:06:08,248 Why would you do that? 160 00:06:09,526 --> 00:06:11,687 Look, I don't know why I do the things I do. 161 00:06:11,761 --> 00:06:13,820 I just know I don't want to get caught. 162 00:06:13,897 --> 00:06:16,365 That's why Aunt Helen is getting a new friend. 163 00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:17,923 You're going to bury that with her? 164 00:06:18,001 --> 00:06:18,990 You are so dead. 165 00:06:19,069 --> 00:06:20,468 Hey, I watch lawyer shows. 166 00:06:20,537 --> 00:06:21,731 Mom will think I did it 167 00:06:21,805 --> 00:06:23,773 but she can't prove it without this. 168 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,171 It's in the Constitution-- 169 00:06:25,242 --> 00:06:27,472 No evidence, no conviction. 170 00:06:27,544 --> 00:06:28,943 E pluribus unum. 171 00:06:34,117 --> 00:06:36,017 ( chuckling ): Oh, yeah. 172 00:06:36,086 --> 00:06:37,053 Hi, honey. 173 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,849 I finally found my joke cards. 174 00:06:38,922 --> 00:06:40,617 They were behind the water heater. 175 00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:42,658 - Really? - Hey, how's this? 176 00:06:42,726 --> 00:06:44,660 ''A priest, a rabbi and Uncle Fred are...'' 177 00:06:44,728 --> 00:06:45,854 Aunt Helen. 178 00:06:45,929 --> 00:06:47,487 ''Are playing golf with Saint Peter.'' 179 00:06:47,564 --> 00:06:48,622 Hal, please. 180 00:06:48,698 --> 00:06:49,960 Have you seen my pun file? 181 00:06:50,033 --> 00:06:52,365 It's in a box marked ''laughter thoughts.'' 182 00:06:54,404 --> 00:06:55,666 Laughter thoughts? 183 00:07:00,944 --> 00:07:01,808 How did she die? 184 00:07:01,878 --> 00:07:03,345 Cats ate her face. 185 00:07:03,413 --> 00:07:04,710 Dewey, I think you're confused. 186 00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:06,043 I'm asking about Aunt Helen. 187 00:07:06,116 --> 00:07:07,674 Cats ate her face. 188 00:07:07,751 --> 00:07:09,048 Put Mom or Dad on the phone. 189 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,917 Hello? 190 00:07:11,988 --> 00:07:14,081 Dad, what happened to Aunt Helen? 191 00:07:14,157 --> 00:07:17,058 Cats ate her face. Dewey knows more about it than I do. 192 00:07:18,328 --> 00:07:21,491 Mom, I hate wearing Reese's hand-me-downs. 193 00:07:21,564 --> 00:07:22,895 Look at this. 194 00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:26,163 Jelly in the pockets, the fly's broken 195 00:07:26,236 --> 00:07:28,500 and it smells like wet dog. 196 00:07:28,571 --> 00:07:31,199 Well, you should be glad he only wore it once. 197 00:07:31,274 --> 00:07:33,299 You know, I'm trying to be there for Mom 198 00:07:33,376 --> 00:07:36,140 but the annoyances are starting to outweigh the guilt. 199 00:07:36,212 --> 00:07:38,840 I'm this close to sneaking out of the whole thing. 200 00:07:38,915 --> 00:07:41,679 Well, I suppose you're entitled to complain. 201 00:07:41,751 --> 00:07:44,948 After all, it's only my Aunt Helen. 202 00:07:45,021 --> 00:07:47,546 What is she, a mind reader? 203 00:07:47,624 --> 00:07:49,717 And then there were ants on her bones 204 00:07:49,793 --> 00:07:50,953 and the police came. 205 00:07:51,027 --> 00:07:52,289 Dad, listen... 206 00:07:52,362 --> 00:07:54,626 can you think of anything that rhymes with cadaver? 207 00:07:54,698 --> 00:07:56,393 How long is this funeral going to take? 208 00:07:56,466 --> 00:07:57,956 Including traveling time? All day. 209 00:07:58,034 --> 00:07:59,126 ( sighs ) 210 00:07:59,202 --> 00:08:00,100 I know, I know. 211 00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:01,831 But it will make your mom happy. 212 00:08:01,905 --> 00:08:03,930 Mom really loved Aunt Helen, huh? 213 00:08:04,007 --> 00:08:07,067 Oh, God, no. Your mom hated her. 214 00:08:07,143 --> 00:08:09,577 What? She hated her? 215 00:08:09,646 --> 00:08:11,773 Everyone did. Horrible woman. 216 00:08:11,848 --> 00:08:13,281 I used to have to forbid her from 217 00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:15,443 calling here 'cause she always made your mom cry. 218 00:08:15,518 --> 00:08:17,850 I can't believe Mom tricked me like that. 219 00:08:17,921 --> 00:08:20,048 I'll tell you one thing-- 220 00:08:20,123 --> 00:08:22,182 I now consider myself totally free 221 00:08:22,258 --> 00:08:23,691 to ditch this funeral. 222 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,990 I got to callJulie. 223 00:08:26,062 --> 00:08:27,051 Hello? 224 00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:28,256 Malcolm! 225 00:08:28,331 --> 00:08:29,628 Thank God, somebody I can talk to. 226 00:08:29,699 --> 00:08:30,996 Sorry, I have to make a call. 227 00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:32,830 ( dial tone ) 228 00:08:36,473 --> 00:08:39,738 So, your aunt's... not dead? 229 00:08:39,809 --> 00:08:41,834 No. it turned out to be one of those comas 230 00:08:41,911 --> 00:08:43,310 where they think you're dead 231 00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:45,348 and they put you on the embalmer's table 232 00:08:45,415 --> 00:08:47,110 and you wake up at the last second. 233 00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:48,275 It was a close call. 234 00:08:48,351 --> 00:08:49,443 Uh, okay. 235 00:08:49,519 --> 00:08:51,180 I guess we'll pick you up at 2:00. 236 00:08:51,254 --> 00:08:52,812 Great. 237 00:08:52,889 --> 00:08:56,655 I figure I'll commit to it first and come up with a plan later. 238 00:08:56,726 --> 00:08:59,024 I always think better under pressure... 239 00:08:59,095 --> 00:09:01,256 or is it when I'm not under pressure? 240 00:09:01,331 --> 00:09:02,423 Oh, well. 241 00:09:02,499 --> 00:09:04,433 Too late now. 242 00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:05,490 I'm ready to go. 243 00:09:05,568 --> 00:09:06,535 Yeah. Hey! 244 00:09:06,603 --> 00:09:08,434 You're taking a backpack to the funeral? 245 00:09:08,505 --> 00:09:10,336 My back gets cold. 246 00:09:10,407 --> 00:09:12,272 Fair enough. 247 00:09:12,342 --> 00:09:13,604 Lois: Look, Francis 248 00:09:13,676 --> 00:09:14,870 I guess I get scattered. 249 00:09:14,944 --> 00:09:16,571 You know, sometimes I forget what I told you 250 00:09:16,646 --> 00:09:17,977 and you're not here so... 251 00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:20,175 I'm not there because you sent me away. 252 00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:23,185 I swear, I'm not even a part of this family anymore. 253 00:09:23,253 --> 00:09:25,551 Francis, it's very important that you understand 254 00:09:25,622 --> 00:09:26,714 that is not true 255 00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,087 but I don't have time right now. 256 00:09:28,158 --> 00:09:29,386 I understand. 257 00:09:29,459 --> 00:09:31,825 It's not like it's a matter of life and death. 258 00:09:31,895 --> 00:09:33,192 Oh, wait, it is! 259 00:09:33,263 --> 00:09:34,696 Anyone else die in the last 260 00:09:34,764 --> 00:09:36,026 five minutes I should know about? 261 00:09:36,099 --> 00:09:38,033 You wanna know everything that's been happening? 262 00:09:38,101 --> 00:09:39,762 Your father mowed the lawn 263 00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:41,428 Reese polished off all the cereal 264 00:09:41,504 --> 00:09:43,631 and I dropped a frying pan on my foot 265 00:09:43,706 --> 00:09:45,469 and I got a big black toe. 266 00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:47,976 You want me to send a picture? 267 00:09:48,044 --> 00:09:49,875 Egg! Cut it out! 268 00:09:49,946 --> 00:09:51,345 What is Egg? 269 00:09:51,414 --> 00:09:53,245 Oh, he's a new boy in the house. 270 00:09:53,316 --> 00:09:54,248 What?! 271 00:09:54,317 --> 00:09:57,013 Okay, it'll only hurt for a second 272 00:09:57,087 --> 00:10:00,545 and I'll get out of the funeral. 273 00:10:00,623 --> 00:10:02,386 I can tellJulie a really cool story 274 00:10:02,459 --> 00:10:04,586 about how I got my black eye. 275 00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:10,028 Aw, I'm so gutless. 276 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:13,160 Why are you taking so long? Let's go. 277 00:10:13,236 --> 00:10:14,328 Reese, listen. 278 00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:15,496 I know it sounds crazy 279 00:10:15,572 --> 00:10:17,267 but I need you to hit me. 280 00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:18,307 ( groans ) 281 00:10:18,374 --> 00:10:19,966 You idiot! 282 00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:21,271 In the eye! 283 00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:22,936 And leave a mark for Mom to see? 284 00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:24,309 Forget it. 285 00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:26,678 No bruises, no evidence... 286 00:10:26,749 --> 00:10:28,614 no crime. 287 00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:34,114 I guess we move on to plan ''B:'' lying. 288 00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:35,282 What book report? 289 00:10:35,358 --> 00:10:36,484 I just remembered. 290 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,493 I have a big book report due tomorrow 291 00:10:38,561 --> 00:10:40,586 and I haven't even started reading it. 292 00:10:40,663 --> 00:10:41,823 Standard technique-- 293 00:10:41,898 --> 00:10:43,365 You volunteer a small crime 294 00:10:43,433 --> 00:10:45,924 to distract them from looking for the big one. 295 00:10:46,002 --> 00:10:47,333 So, what's the report on? 296 00:10:47,403 --> 00:10:48,529 A Tale of Two Cities. 297 00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:49,902 - Oh, how many words? - 7 50. 298 00:10:49,973 --> 00:10:52,203 Was that on your assignment sheet? 299 00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,709 - No, it's an addendum. - When did you get that? 300 00:10:54,777 --> 00:10:56,369 Thursday. I didn't bring it home. 301 00:10:56,446 --> 00:10:57,242 That's why I forgot to do the assignment. 302 00:10:57,313 --> 00:10:58,575 Ooh, nice one. 303 00:10:58,648 --> 00:11:01,412 Well, I suppose if it's school work... 304 00:11:01,484 --> 00:11:02,610 That's the mislead. 305 00:11:02,685 --> 00:11:04,209 Wait for the reverse. 306 00:11:04,287 --> 00:11:06,084 A Tale of Two Cities. 307 00:11:06,156 --> 00:11:07,487 Who's that by? 308 00:11:07,557 --> 00:11:08,421 Charles Dickens. 309 00:11:08,491 --> 00:11:10,391 Oh, I thought it was Victor Hugo. 310 00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:11,427 No, it's Dickens. 311 00:11:11,494 --> 00:11:12,756 Is that the one with Jean Valjean? 312 00:11:12,829 --> 00:11:13,989 That's Les Miserables. 313 00:11:14,063 --> 00:11:15,428 No, no. 314 00:11:15,498 --> 00:11:16,760 Isn't A Tale of Two Cities 315 00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,494 the one with Jean Valjean, where he's says 316 00:11:18,568 --> 00:11:20,092 ''It's a far, far better thing I do...'' 317 00:11:20,170 --> 00:11:21,762 right before he steals a loaf of bread? 318 00:11:21,838 --> 00:11:24,432 No. Sidney Carton says that right before they behead him. 319 00:11:24,507 --> 00:11:26,441 I thought you hadn't read it. 320 00:11:26,509 --> 00:11:27,703 What? 321 00:11:27,777 --> 00:11:29,335 No. I said I hadn't written it. 322 00:11:29,412 --> 00:11:30,310 And when is it due? 323 00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:31,813 Tomorrow, I told you. 324 00:11:31,881 --> 00:11:34,213 - On Les Miserables? - Yes. No! 325 00:11:34,284 --> 00:11:36,479 -A Tale of Two Cities. - Which you haven't read. 326 00:11:36,553 --> 00:11:38,748 - Right. - But you just said you did. 327 00:11:38,821 --> 00:11:41,984 No, I-I said I didn't, and then you said... 328 00:11:42,058 --> 00:11:44,492 it was Thursday, and... 329 00:11:44,561 --> 00:11:47,428 Look, I just don't want to go to this stupid funeral. 330 00:11:47,497 --> 00:11:49,590 There's no reason for me to go 331 00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:51,691 and I want to go to the concert with Julie! 332 00:11:51,768 --> 00:11:53,258 Let's go! I'll be waiting in the car. 333 00:11:53,336 --> 00:11:54,667 Malcolm 334 00:11:54,737 --> 00:11:56,102 I am ashamed of you-- 335 00:11:56,172 --> 00:11:59,141 Wanting to deny your poor Aunt Helen her due. 336 00:11:59,209 --> 00:12:01,109 No, that won't work on me because I know 337 00:12:01,177 --> 00:12:03,202 you didn't love Aunt Helen. You hated her! 338 00:12:03,279 --> 00:12:05,474 'Course I did. What does that have to do with anything? 339 00:12:05,548 --> 00:12:06,446 What? 340 00:12:06,516 --> 00:12:07,915 Malcolm, this isn't about love. 341 00:12:07,984 --> 00:12:09,076 It's about family. 342 00:12:09,152 --> 00:12:10,449 We have a duty to this family 343 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,181 and we are darn well going to do it. 344 00:12:12,255 --> 00:12:13,347 But why? 345 00:12:13,423 --> 00:12:14,856 It's not fair. 346 00:12:14,924 --> 00:12:18,018 You can't just stick the word ''family'' in front of something 347 00:12:18,094 --> 00:12:19,857 and turn everyone else into slaves. 348 00:12:19,929 --> 00:12:21,021 It makes no sense. 349 00:12:21,097 --> 00:12:22,325 No one liked this woman 350 00:12:22,398 --> 00:12:24,457 so why do we have to pretend like we did now? 351 00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:25,899 What good will it do anybody? 352 00:12:25,969 --> 00:12:28,301 Hal? 353 00:12:28,371 --> 00:12:30,703 I got nothing. 354 00:12:30,773 --> 00:12:32,536 I could really use some support here. 355 00:12:32,609 --> 00:12:33,701 Excuse me? 356 00:12:33,776 --> 00:12:35,505 I am being incredibly supportive. 357 00:12:35,578 --> 00:12:38,012 I'm giving up my entire day for this-this thing 358 00:12:38,081 --> 00:12:39,844 and you don't hear me complaining. 359 00:12:39,916 --> 00:12:41,679 Hal, it was a bunch of old record albums. 360 00:12:41,751 --> 00:12:43,719 You're not giving up something important. 361 00:12:43,786 --> 00:12:45,583 Well, they're important to me. 362 00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:46,986 You-You people. 363 00:12:47,056 --> 00:12:48,318 I can't believe you. 364 00:12:48,391 --> 00:12:50,120 I asked you to do one thing that... 365 00:12:50,193 --> 00:12:52,286 You're not asking; you're ordering. 366 00:12:53,663 --> 00:12:55,597 Lois: After all I do 367 00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:56,689 for this family. 368 00:12:56,766 --> 00:12:58,631 I cook, I clean, I spackle, I plunge 369 00:12:58,701 --> 00:13:01,329 and none of it means anything to any of you people 370 00:13:01,404 --> 00:13:03,599 and the one time I ask you for something-- 371 00:13:03,673 --> 00:13:06,506 something that I shouldn't even have to ask you for-- 372 00:13:06,576 --> 00:13:09,909 and all I get are complaints! 373 00:13:09,979 --> 00:13:11,537 Well, what about me, hmm? 374 00:13:11,614 --> 00:13:14,708 You think I want to be cleaning out the gutters 375 00:13:14,784 --> 00:13:17,753 when I could be surfing the beaches of Europe 376 00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:19,947 or-or cruising around on my hog? 377 00:13:20,023 --> 00:13:21,547 - What hog? - Ah-ha! 378 00:13:21,624 --> 00:13:22,556 Exactly. 379 00:13:22,625 --> 00:13:23,717 Where's my hog?! 380 00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:26,125 Where do you think you're going? 381 00:13:26,195 --> 00:13:27,287 I have had it! 382 00:13:27,363 --> 00:13:29,126 From now on, no one has to do anything. 383 00:13:29,198 --> 00:13:30,927 We could all just do whatever we want 384 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,558 and I want to take 385 00:13:32,635 --> 00:13:34,535 a bubble bath! 386 00:13:34,604 --> 00:13:36,037 Fine! 387 00:13:38,508 --> 00:13:42,569 So, that's a ''yes'' on the concert? 388 00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:50,082 Come on, come on. 389 00:13:53,022 --> 00:13:54,580 ( sighs ) 390 00:13:54,657 --> 00:13:56,454 Are you going to be in there all day? 391 00:13:56,526 --> 00:13:58,255 If I feel like it. 392 00:13:58,328 --> 00:14:00,660 Fine.Just so you know, when I'm done in the garage 393 00:14:00,730 --> 00:14:03,665 I'm using the bathroom whether you're in here or not. 394 00:14:06,402 --> 00:14:09,269 Mom, I think we should go to Aunt Helen's funeral. 395 00:14:09,339 --> 00:14:11,000 I mean, she was a good woman. 396 00:14:11,074 --> 00:14:12,564 It's the least we can do. 397 00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:15,167 I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I don't like it. 398 00:14:15,244 --> 00:14:17,178 Am I the only one that cared about her? 399 00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:19,271 You're the good one. Enjoy your moment in the sun. 400 00:14:19,349 --> 00:14:20,873 Now, get out of here. 401 00:14:20,950 --> 00:14:22,941 This is me time. 402 00:14:23,019 --> 00:14:26,853 Hey, Reese, which one stinks more? 403 00:14:29,158 --> 00:14:30,182 What's your problem? 404 00:14:30,259 --> 00:14:31,487 You couldn't keep your 405 00:14:31,561 --> 00:14:33,188 big mouth shut until after the funeral. 406 00:14:33,262 --> 00:14:34,820 I'll have to wait for another relative 407 00:14:34,897 --> 00:14:36,330 to die to bury this thing. 408 00:14:36,399 --> 00:14:37,366 It could be weeks. 409 00:14:37,433 --> 00:14:38,593 You'll think of something. 410 00:14:38,668 --> 00:14:40,067 No, I won't. 411 00:14:40,136 --> 00:14:42,195 You have good ideas all the time 412 00:14:42,271 --> 00:14:44,205 but for me, this was special. 413 00:14:44,273 --> 00:14:46,764 Hey! You can't leave this mess here. 414 00:14:46,843 --> 00:14:48,174 I've got a guest coming over. 415 00:14:48,244 --> 00:14:51,873 Too bad. Thanks to you, no one has to do anything anymore. 416 00:14:51,948 --> 00:14:53,347 It's anarchy, baby. 417 00:14:53,416 --> 00:14:55,441 That's the word, right? 418 00:15:00,456 --> 00:15:03,050 Um... Mom? 419 00:15:03,126 --> 00:15:04,821 I was just wondering 420 00:15:04,894 --> 00:15:06,725 if you could wash this shirt for me? 421 00:15:06,796 --> 00:15:08,423 ( laughing ) 422 00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:10,329 You must be joking. 423 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,129 But you're the only one that knows how to use 424 00:15:12,201 --> 00:15:13,964 the washer and dryer without getting shocked. 425 00:15:14,036 --> 00:15:15,128 Please? 426 00:15:15,204 --> 00:15:18,264 Well... since you said please. 427 00:15:23,246 --> 00:15:24,679 There you go. 428 00:15:24,747 --> 00:15:26,681 All washed. 429 00:15:29,051 --> 00:15:33,044 I think you've been in the garage long enough. 430 00:15:33,122 --> 00:15:34,384 ( chuckling ) 431 00:15:34,457 --> 00:15:36,220 Okay. 432 00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:37,418 ( electrical crackling ) 433 00:15:37,493 --> 00:15:39,552 Gosh! 434 00:15:39,629 --> 00:15:41,153 Well, no, no, no. 435 00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:44,063 You are going to get your own outlet. 436 00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:48,160 Uh... okay, here we go. 437 00:15:48,237 --> 00:15:51,832 Okay... okay, here we are. 438 00:15:51,908 --> 00:15:53,671 ( laughing ) 439 00:16:00,183 --> 00:16:01,673 Come on. 440 00:16:02,652 --> 00:16:04,381 Come on. 441 00:16:04,454 --> 00:16:06,081 Gotcha! 442 00:16:07,457 --> 00:16:08,719 Oh. 443 00:16:10,026 --> 00:16:12,290 No, not my problem today. 444 00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:14,454 ( claps hands ) 445 00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,088 ( chuckling ) 446 00:16:19,202 --> 00:16:23,536 ( music playing loudly ) 447 00:16:34,617 --> 00:16:35,914 Hand me that loofah. 448 00:16:37,553 --> 00:16:38,918 He wants juice. 449 00:16:38,988 --> 00:16:40,421 Go get your own juice. 450 00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:42,151 You said I'm not supposed to. 451 00:16:42,225 --> 00:16:44,159 ( sighing ): You're right. 452 00:16:44,227 --> 00:16:45,819 Okay, from now on 453 00:16:45,895 --> 00:16:48,295 you are officially old enough to get your own juice. 454 00:16:48,364 --> 00:16:49,729 Poof. 455 00:16:51,801 --> 00:16:53,894 ( music continues ) 456 00:16:56,339 --> 00:16:58,773 Darn it. 457 00:16:58,841 --> 00:17:02,436 Darn it. 458 00:17:02,512 --> 00:17:03,774 Darn it. 459 00:17:03,846 --> 00:17:06,337 Mom, I spilled! 460 00:17:06,415 --> 00:17:08,849 So? Clean it up. 461 00:17:18,694 --> 00:17:20,491 Green apple soap. 462 00:17:20,563 --> 00:17:23,464 Girls like green apples, right? 463 00:17:23,533 --> 00:17:26,627 Oh, man, she got my pants wet, too. 464 00:17:28,671 --> 00:17:29,968 ( music continues ) 465 00:17:30,039 --> 00:17:31,472 ( loudly ): Hello? 466 00:17:34,377 --> 00:17:36,641 Is Malcolm here? 467 00:17:36,712 --> 00:17:38,145 ( gasps ) 468 00:17:38,214 --> 00:17:39,647 Is Malcolm here?! 469 00:17:39,715 --> 00:17:41,148 Huh? 470 00:17:41,217 --> 00:17:42,445 Malcolm?! 471 00:17:58,768 --> 00:17:59,860 Julie: Malcolm? 472 00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:07,165 Julie! 473 00:18:07,243 --> 00:18:08,733 Nothing. 474 00:18:14,317 --> 00:18:15,648 ( screaming ) 475 00:18:17,954 --> 00:18:19,387 Oh, my God! 476 00:18:19,455 --> 00:18:20,547 Are you okay? 477 00:18:20,623 --> 00:18:22,056 I just wanted to be nice. 478 00:18:22,124 --> 00:18:24,115 People told me not to come to your house. 479 00:18:24,193 --> 00:18:26,058 I thought they were just being silly! 480 00:18:26,128 --> 00:18:27,561 Julie, I'm sorry. 481 00:18:27,630 --> 00:18:29,325 Things aren't usually like this. 482 00:18:29,398 --> 00:18:31,889 Just give me a minute and I'll be ready to go. 483 00:18:31,968 --> 00:18:34,368 I don't want to go anymore! Just leave me alone! 484 00:18:36,806 --> 00:18:38,398 ( music continues ) 485 00:18:38,474 --> 00:18:40,374 ( music stops ) 486 00:18:40,443 --> 00:18:43,503 How could you let her see me in my underwear? 487 00:18:45,781 --> 00:18:47,476 Mom, this has gone too far. 488 00:18:47,550 --> 00:18:49,211 You have to do something. 489 00:18:49,285 --> 00:18:51,253 It's not supposed to be like this. 490 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,288 We're not supposed to injure my friends. 491 00:18:53,356 --> 00:18:56,052 We're not supposed to let people see me in my underpants. 492 00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,525 We're supposed to be there for each other. 493 00:18:58,594 --> 00:19:01,256 Like when a family member dies, and we're supposed to go 494 00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:02,763 to their funeral? 495 00:19:02,832 --> 00:19:04,595 I'll be in my room. 496 00:19:15,811 --> 00:19:18,439 Then she slid into the trash and ran off. 497 00:19:18,514 --> 00:19:21,381 I swear, this whole family is falling apart. 498 00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:23,748 Yes! I knew this moment would come. 499 00:19:23,819 --> 00:19:25,719 They don't have their scapegoat around 500 00:19:25,788 --> 00:19:27,449 so everything goes to hell. 501 00:19:27,523 --> 00:19:30,048 No one realized that I'm the one who held this family together. 502 00:19:30,126 --> 00:19:31,718 Without me to blame everything on 503 00:19:31,794 --> 00:19:33,955 they don't know what to do with themselves. 504 00:19:34,030 --> 00:19:35,292 A scapegoat... thanks. 505 00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:36,626 Mom thinks... 506 00:19:36,699 --> 00:19:38,132 He's right. 507 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,634 This family needs a scapegoat. 508 00:19:40,703 --> 00:19:44,070 I started this, so I should be the one to end it. 509 00:19:51,847 --> 00:19:54,680 I did a terrible thing today. 510 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,650 I tore this family apart 511 00:19:56,719 --> 00:19:58,482 and I'm really sorry for that 512 00:19:58,554 --> 00:20:00,613 but... 513 00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:04,023 it's not half as bad... as what Reese did! 514 00:20:07,363 --> 00:20:10,423 Oh, my God! 515 00:20:10,499 --> 00:20:12,490 Was this Dewey's present? 516 00:20:12,568 --> 00:20:13,865 Dewey: Present? 517 00:20:13,936 --> 00:20:14,994 Lois: Reese, how could you? 518 00:20:15,071 --> 00:20:17,164 Do you know how expensive this was? 519 00:20:17,239 --> 00:20:17,864 Hal? 520 00:20:17,940 --> 00:20:18,668 I'm on it. 521 00:20:18,741 --> 00:20:20,333 That was a terrible 522 00:20:20,409 --> 00:20:22,001 thing to do to your little brother. 523 00:20:22,078 --> 00:20:23,773 He was going to bury it with Aunt Helen. 524 00:20:23,846 --> 00:20:26,713 You were going to make Aunt Helen spend eternity 525 00:20:26,782 --> 00:20:28,147 with a crushed Mighty Man? 526 00:20:28,217 --> 00:20:29,878 M-Mighty Man? 527 00:20:29,952 --> 00:20:31,214 I can't believe you. 528 00:20:31,287 --> 00:20:32,948 This is a whole new low, Reese. 529 00:20:33,022 --> 00:20:35,115 First of all, this is all circumstantial. 530 00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:37,853 I don't know how that thing got in my backpack. 531 00:20:37,927 --> 00:20:40,327 As for this Aunt Helen business, no one knows what I would've 532 00:20:40,396 --> 00:20:42,864 done at that funeral because we're not going. 533 00:20:42,932 --> 00:20:44,229 Who says we're not going? 534 00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:45,392 You did. 535 00:20:45,468 --> 00:20:46,958 Well, you can guess again. 536 00:20:47,036 --> 00:20:48,833 You are going to march right up to that coffin 537 00:20:48,904 --> 00:20:50,496 and apologize to that poor, dead woman. 538 00:20:50,573 --> 00:20:52,234 We all are. 539 00:20:52,308 --> 00:20:54,208 All right, everyone in the car as is. 540 00:20:54,276 --> 00:20:57,040 We'll have to drive creatively, but we might make the end. 541 00:20:57,113 --> 00:20:58,876 Let's go. Chop, chop, here we go! 542 00:21:03,285 --> 00:21:05,719 Egg! Come on! 543 00:21:10,059 --> 00:21:11,788 Aunt Helen used to say 544 00:21:11,861 --> 00:21:14,762 ( raspy-voiced ): ''Oh, you're going to miss me when I'm gone.'' 545 00:21:14,830 --> 00:21:17,424 And, uh, by the looks of today's turnout 546 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:20,230 I could see it wasn't just an idle threat. 547 00:21:20,302 --> 00:21:22,770 ( whispering ): Yeah, Francis, your father's giving a speech 548 00:21:22,838 --> 00:21:24,396 and it's actually kind of good. 549 00:21:24,473 --> 00:21:25,667 Can I get my phone back? 550 00:21:25,741 --> 00:21:27,436 I'm almost done, sweetie. 551 00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:29,501 Oh, Aunt Helen looks just lovely. 552 00:21:29,578 --> 00:21:31,842 You turn right back around, mister! 553 00:21:31,914 --> 00:21:34,508 You'll never guess what Reese did. 554 00:21:34,583 --> 00:21:37,450 Well, it's been a pretty productive day. 555 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,782 I madeJulie Rulerman hate me. 556 00:21:38,854 --> 00:21:41,652 Reese is going to kill me the second we get home 557 00:21:41,724 --> 00:21:42,952 and right now 558 00:21:43,025 --> 00:21:45,585 Aunt Helen is personally bad-mouthing me to God. 559 00:21:45,661 --> 00:21:48,528 You want some more water, Uncle Louie? 560 00:21:48,597 --> 00:21:51,031 Sure. 561 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:54,092 I need someone to put in a good word for me.