1
00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:04,474
? Doo, be, doo, be, doo ?

2
00:00:04,552 --> 00:00:06,747
- ? Doo, be, doo-be-doo ?
- ? <i>Doobee, doobee, doobee-do</i> ?

3
00:00:06,821 --> 00:00:09,984
- ? Doo, be, doo-be-doo ?
- ? <i>Doobee-doobee-do be-dah</i> ?

4
00:00:10,057 --> 00:00:13,390
- ? <i>Doobee-doobee-do be-dah</i> ?
- ? Doo, be, doo, be, doo ?

5
00:00:13,461 --> 00:00:17,488
- ? <i>Doobee-doobee-do be-dah</i> ?
- ? Doo, boo, doo, be-bah ?

6
00:00:17,565 --> 00:00:19,863
? Doo, be... ?

7
00:00:21,869 --> 00:00:22,995
? Doo, doo, doobee ?

8
00:00:23,070 --> 00:00:25,834
? Doo, doo-wah. ?

9
00:00:25,907 --> 00:00:27,568
( <i>Bell Ringing</i> )

10
00:00:27,642 --> 00:00:29,405
All right, class.

11
00:00:29,477 --> 00:00:31,308
Recess is over.

12
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:33,244
( <i>All Grumbling</i> )

13
00:00:33,314 --> 00:00:35,214
I know.

14
00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:39,083
Malcolm, I think you should
say something to your classmates.

15
00:00:39,153 --> 00:00:42,850
They stayed inside while you were
out playing ball with your friends.

16
00:00:46,794 --> 00:00:48,591
Thanks.

17
00:00:48,663 --> 00:00:52,099
? Yes, no, maybe ?

18
00:00:52,166 --> 00:00:54,634
? I don't know ?

19
00:00:54,702 --> 00:00:57,967
? Can you repeat the question? ?

20
00:00:58,039 --> 00:01:00,166
? You're not the boss of me now ?

21
00:01:00,241 --> 00:01:02,573
? You're not the boss of me now ?

22
00:01:02,643 --> 00:01:04,941
? You're not the boss of me now ?

23
00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:07,071
? And you're not so big ?

24
00:01:07,148 --> 00:01:09,582
? You're not the boss of me now ?

25
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,584
? You're not the boss of me now ?

26
00:01:11,652 --> 00:01:14,086
? You're not the boss of me now ?

27
00:01:14,155 --> 00:01:16,817
? And you're not so big ?

28
00:01:16,891 --> 00:01:20,486
? Life is unfair. ?

29
00:01:21,696 --> 00:01:22,856
( <i>Groans</i> )

30
00:01:22,930 --> 00:01:25,592
I don't know why Mom makes me
get up at 8:00.

31
00:01:25,666 --> 00:01:27,930
School doesn't even start till 8:1 5.

32
00:01:36,677 --> 00:01:39,271
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

33
00:01:39,347 --> 00:01:41,281
You look different.

34
00:01:41,349 --> 00:01:43,579
- I took a shower.
- I knew it!

35
00:01:45,152 --> 00:01:46,813
( <i>Humming</i> )

36
00:01:46,888 --> 00:01:49,220
...on the state-legislature-
sponsored initiative

37
00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:50,757
limiting the cabinet's attitude

38
00:01:50,825 --> 00:01:52,850
of overanalyzing past
and current positions...

39
00:01:52,927 --> 00:01:54,485
...this type
of governmental interference...

40
00:01:54,562 --> 00:01:58,054
In international news,
boring, boring, boring.

41
00:01:58,132 --> 00:02:00,692
I'm incredibly boring.
Do you know who's boring? Me.

42
00:02:00,768 --> 00:02:04,101
Boring, goring, zoring,
loring, doring, noring, foring.

43
00:02:04,171 --> 00:02:06,662
Why haven't you changed
the channel yet?

44
00:02:06,741 --> 00:02:08,936
( <i>Cartoons Playing</i> )

45
00:02:17,351 --> 00:02:21,151
What? I took a shower.
Is that a crime?

46
00:02:21,222 --> 00:02:25,124
Is this going to be a daily thing?
Because we got a schedule...

47
00:02:25,192 --> 00:02:28,389
Honey, let me handle this.

48
00:02:28,462 --> 00:02:30,430
Son, are you on drugs?

49
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,363
No, it's just...

50
00:02:32,433 --> 00:02:34,697
Why doesn't everyone
just leave me alone?!

51
00:02:36,604 --> 00:02:40,165
Wow, usually we don't get someone
storming off from the table

52
00:02:40,241 --> 00:02:41,674
until <i>after</i> pancakes.

53
00:02:41,742 --> 00:02:44,939
<i>Hey, kids, it's a new,</i>
<i>improved Sleepy-Time Herbie</i>

54
00:02:45,012 --> 00:02:46,741
<i>now with super-sleepy fuzzy fur</i>.

55
00:02:46,814 --> 00:02:49,078
I'm sleepy.

56
00:02:49,150 --> 00:02:51,482
<i>Herbie's not available in stores</i>.

57
00:02:51,552 --> 00:02:53,486
<i>Order yours now</i>
<i>through this special</i>...

58
00:02:53,554 --> 00:02:54,816
Hi, Dewey.

59
00:02:54,889 --> 00:02:56,083
I can make you happy.

60
00:02:56,157 --> 00:02:58,022
I can make your brothers
be nice to you.

61
00:02:58,092 --> 00:03:00,890
I can get you out of school.

62
00:03:00,962 --> 00:03:03,294
Your parents
want to buy me for you.

63
00:03:03,364 --> 00:03:05,355
All you got to do is ask them.

64
00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:08,493
They're right there in the kitchen.
Why don't you go ask them?

65
00:03:08,569 --> 00:03:11,697
Go on. Yeah.
Go ask them.

66
00:03:12,773 --> 00:03:17,005
- Can you buy me a Herbie?
- No, they're too expensive.

67
00:03:17,078 --> 00:03:19,046
Maybe. Ask me again
in four seconds.

68
00:03:19,113 --> 00:03:22,571
Can you buy me a Herbie, <i>please?</i>

69
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:25,244
Didn't you just hear me?
I said no.

70
00:03:25,319 --> 00:03:26,980
Ask louder.

71
00:03:27,054 --> 00:03:31,354
Son, what were you thinking?!

72
00:03:31,425 --> 00:03:35,953
Stealing 200 frogs from the biology lab
and setting them loose on the highway!

73
00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:39,227
I was freeing the alleged frogs, sir.

74
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,064
Killing live animals
in the name of science is inhumane.

75
00:03:42,136 --> 00:03:46,800
No! Inhumane is sitting in a car
for two and a half hours

76
00:03:46,874 --> 00:03:49,707
when I live
only eight blocks from campus.

77
00:03:49,777 --> 00:03:50,766
Sir, I didn't mean...

78
00:03:50,845 --> 00:03:54,906
I am tired of all the things
you didn't mean to do.

79
00:03:54,982 --> 00:03:57,917
You didn't mean to come in
four hours after curfew.

80
00:03:57,985 --> 00:04:01,148
You didn't mean to replace
the morning reveille record

81
00:04:01,222 --> 00:04:04,020
with a selection from
trip-hop wizard Tricky.

82
00:04:04,091 --> 00:04:06,059
Maybe I should
just rename this

83
00:04:06,127 --> 00:04:10,188
''Francis'
'I didn't mean to' file.''

84
00:04:10,765 --> 00:04:12,528
That would be a bold choice, sir.

85
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,364
Glibness.
What a surprise.

86
00:04:15,436 --> 00:04:18,496
I'm giving you exactly ten seconds

87
00:04:18,572 --> 00:04:21,564
to tell me why I shouldn't put you
on latrine detail

88
00:04:21,642 --> 00:04:23,576
for the rest of this semester.

89
00:04:23,644 --> 00:04:28,638
Okay. Um, why shouldn't I have to clean
toilets for the next three months?

90
00:04:28,716 --> 00:04:30,479
It's an intriguing question.

91
00:04:30,551 --> 00:04:33,987
- Is that a new tie, sir?
- Four seconds.

92
00:04:34,055 --> 00:04:35,989
What a beautiful beach.

93
00:04:36,057 --> 00:04:37,490
Did you take this, sir?

94
00:04:37,558 --> 00:04:41,494
You've truly captured your
young male friend's Speedo.

95
00:04:41,562 --> 00:04:43,325
That is a picture of me.

96
00:04:43,397 --> 00:04:47,731
Now if I were you,
I wouldn't try to distract me and...

97
00:04:56,143 --> 00:04:57,110
Sir?

98
00:04:58,913 --> 00:05:00,141
Sir?

99
00:05:00,214 --> 00:05:01,181
Hmm?

100
00:05:03,951 --> 00:05:05,043
That'll be all, cadet.

101
00:05:12,093 --> 00:05:13,856
( <i>Sobbing</i> )

102
00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:24,761
( <i>Stops Sobbing</i> )

103
00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:26,363
Were you crying?

104
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,965
- No, I was reading.
- You don't read.

105
00:05:29,043 --> 00:05:30,601
Just shut the door, Krelboyne.

106
00:05:32,847 --> 00:05:34,212
( <i>Sobbing Resumes</i> )

107
00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:39,517
I'm still in here, perv.

108
00:05:41,722 --> 00:05:42,950
( <i>Sobbing</i> )

109
00:05:43,023 --> 00:05:44,320
Ha! You're crying.

110
00:05:45,626 --> 00:05:47,184
Oh, man. You're crying.

111
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,625
You don't want
to talk about it, do you?

112
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,099
It's about a girl.

113
00:05:54,168 --> 00:05:55,726
I should've just walked away.

114
00:05:55,803 --> 00:05:58,397
Wendy Finnerman--
she hates me.

115
00:05:58,472 --> 00:06:01,839
I don't know what to do.
I tried everything to make her like me.

116
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,139
( <i>Laughing</i> )

117
00:06:10,151 --> 00:06:12,517
( <i>Laughing</i> )

118
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,658
( <i>Laughing</i> )

119
00:06:22,663 --> 00:06:24,858
I'm toilet-papering
her house tonight.

120
00:06:24,932 --> 00:06:27,332
If that doesn't work,
I'm out of ideas.

121
00:06:27,401 --> 00:06:29,494
Look, Reese, maybe I can help you.

122
00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:32,198
- What am I supposed to do?
- I don't know.

123
00:06:32,273 --> 00:06:34,468
Just try anything
that doesn't make her cry.

124
00:06:35,776 --> 00:06:38,677
I guess you can start off
by finding out stuff about her.

125
00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,611
You know,
do the things she likes to do.

126
00:06:40,681 --> 00:06:43,377
Is that before or after
I go TP her house?

127
00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:47,716
- Instead.
- All right. I'll try it your way.

128
00:06:48,789 --> 00:06:51,952
- Thanks.
- No problem.

129
00:06:52,026 --> 00:06:54,688
I know I'm going to pay for this,
but... Reese loves Wendy!

130
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:56,662
Reese loves Wendy!

131
00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:57,719
Ha, ha.

132
00:06:57,798 --> 00:06:59,095
Go, Wildcats, go.

133
00:06:59,166 --> 00:07:01,157
Go, Wildcats, go, go.

134
00:07:01,235 --> 00:07:03,703
Go, Wildcats, go, go.

135
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:06,001
Go, Wildcats, go, go.

136
00:07:06,073 --> 00:07:07,370
( <i>Cheering</i> )

137
00:07:18,619 --> 00:07:20,416
That's it.

138
00:07:20,487 --> 00:07:22,045
( <i>Screams</i> )

139
00:07:22,122 --> 00:07:24,056
Reese!

140
00:07:27,895 --> 00:07:30,523
Why are you dressed like that?

141
00:07:30,598 --> 00:07:31,826
I figured out what she likes.

142
00:07:31,899 --> 00:07:33,662
I saw her cheering
for the football team,

143
00:07:33,734 --> 00:07:35,292
so I joined the cheerleading squad.

144
00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:37,701
Why didn't you join
the football team, doofus?

145
00:07:37,771 --> 00:07:40,501
She's a cheerleader.

146
00:07:40,574 --> 00:07:44,670
Reese, you're a guy. Guy cheerleaders
are the lowest of the low.

147
00:07:44,745 --> 00:07:46,713
Worse than band,
worse than Krelboynes.

148
00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:51,547
The only thing lower is that guy that
never takes his hand out of his butt.

149
00:07:51,619 --> 00:07:53,951
Oh, Chester?
He's a cheerleader too.

150
00:07:54,021 --> 00:07:55,511
Does a lot of solo work.

151
00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:58,183
I tried to help him.
I gave him advice.

152
00:07:58,259 --> 00:08:00,124
I tried reasoning with him.

153
00:08:00,194 --> 00:08:02,526
There's only one thing left to do--

154
00:08:02,596 --> 00:08:04,587
sit back and laugh my ass off.

155
00:08:04,665 --> 00:08:06,064
Good luck.

156
00:08:08,936 --> 00:08:11,131
Come in, cadet.

157
00:08:11,205 --> 00:08:12,536
Look, sir...

158
00:08:12,606 --> 00:08:14,301
I have the floor.

159
00:08:16,543 --> 00:08:19,637
In the short time
that you have been under my care

160
00:08:19,713 --> 00:08:22,147
we have had our share of conflicts.

161
00:08:22,216 --> 00:08:27,244
In all my efforts to get through to you
I have tried every method I know how.

162
00:08:27,321 --> 00:08:29,755
And besides mental
and physical abuse, sir,

163
00:08:29,823 --> 00:08:31,484
exactly which methods
would those be?

164
00:08:31,558 --> 00:08:36,586
This photo made me realize something.

165
00:08:36,664 --> 00:08:38,689
I used to be like you.

166
00:08:38,766 --> 00:08:41,326
Insolent, arrogant, cavalier.

167
00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:43,063
- Sir, I...
- Floor.

168
00:08:44,271 --> 00:08:48,605
Now, son,
you are on the precipice.

169
00:08:54,315 --> 00:08:58,149
Now, I am going to tell you
a story about my life

170
00:08:58,218 --> 00:09:01,312
in the hopes of finally getting you
to straighten yourself out.

171
00:09:01,388 --> 00:09:02,753
In the coming hours,

172
00:09:02,823 --> 00:09:05,383
you are going to hear things
that are going to horrify you.

173
00:09:05,459 --> 00:09:07,950
It sounds illuminating, sir,
but I have biology.

174
00:09:08,028 --> 00:09:11,691
I've taken the liberty
of canceling your next three classes.

175
00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:17,027
Son, do you know
what a wet nurse is?

176
00:09:34,822 --> 00:09:37,950
Dewey, have you forgotten me?
I thought we were friends.

177
00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:41,984
All of the boys and girls
on your street are my friends.

178
00:09:42,062 --> 00:09:45,589
They all bought me.
Your parents have lots of money.

179
00:09:45,666 --> 00:09:47,065
They're just hiding it.

180
00:09:47,134 --> 00:09:51,002
But I don't want you to buy me for me.
It's for your own good.

181
00:09:51,071 --> 00:09:55,474
I didn't want to tell you this,
but if you don't buy me, you'll die.

182
00:09:57,311 --> 00:09:59,836
Honestly, Hal, I don't know
what's wrong with Reese.

183
00:09:59,913 --> 00:10:01,210
Oh, he's just a little slow.

184
00:10:01,281 --> 00:10:03,010
No. I mean the way
he's been acting.

185
00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:04,983
Hey, Mom, where's the iron?

186
00:10:05,052 --> 00:10:06,041
Ah.

187
00:10:08,055 --> 00:10:09,920
- It's a girl.
- It's a girl.

188
00:10:09,990 --> 00:10:11,821
Hal, it's time for the talk.

189
00:10:11,892 --> 00:10:13,689
I don't know what you mean.

190
00:10:13,761 --> 00:10:15,160
The talk, Hal.

191
00:10:15,229 --> 00:10:17,356
Oh, geez, he's a little young,
don't you think?

192
00:10:17,431 --> 00:10:20,059
You waited so long with Francis;
look what happened there.

193
00:10:20,134 --> 00:10:22,068
All right,
but if I'm giving the talk,

194
00:10:22,136 --> 00:10:24,070
all three boys
are getting it at the same time.

195
00:10:24,138 --> 00:10:25,298
And I'm not doing it again.

196
00:10:25,372 --> 00:10:27,636
So if we have any more kids,
they're on their own.

197
00:10:29,810 --> 00:10:31,471
Mom? Dad?

198
00:10:31,545 --> 00:10:33,308
I'd really like a Herbie doll.

199
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,247
I know it's expensive,
but I don't ask for a lot.

200
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:38,113
And I've been very good lately.

201
00:10:38,185 --> 00:10:41,120
I want it! I want it!
I want it! I want it!

202
00:10:41,188 --> 00:10:43,520
I want it! I want it! I want it!

203
00:10:43,590 --> 00:10:45,148
Looks like he found the sugar.

204
00:10:45,225 --> 00:10:47,853
Oh, doesn't he look just
like a little dust mop?

205
00:10:47,928 --> 00:10:48,860
<i>Ready?</i>

206
00:10:48,929 --> 00:10:49,861
Hit it.

207
00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:53,559
B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!

208
00:10:53,634 --> 00:10:56,728
B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!

209
00:10:56,804 --> 00:10:58,362
( <i>Clapping</i> )

210
00:10:58,439 --> 00:11:00,066
What's that spell?

211
00:11:00,140 --> 00:11:01,038
Be aggressive!

212
00:11:01,108 --> 00:11:02,871
B-E aggressive!

213
00:11:02,943 --> 00:11:04,001
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y.

214
00:11:05,112 --> 00:11:07,546
That's the Wildcats' battle cry.

215
00:11:07,614 --> 00:11:09,673
What a... geek.

216
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,650
I never thought...

217
00:11:11,718 --> 00:11:13,549
I'd get... to say that.

218
00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:14,848
Oh, my God.

219
00:11:14,922 --> 00:11:17,288
I'm a Krelboyne with a brother
who's a cheerleader.

220
00:11:17,357 --> 00:11:20,724
I can wet my pants in public
and it would be a lateral move.

221
00:11:20,794 --> 00:11:22,591
...O-R-Y.

222
00:11:22,663 --> 00:11:23,960
That's the Wildcats' battle cry.

223
00:11:25,165 --> 00:11:26,189
Success!

224
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:27,358
Victory... success!

225
00:11:27,434 --> 00:11:29,698
Victory, yes!

226
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:32,102
Ow!

227
00:11:32,172 --> 00:11:34,231
So clumsy.

228
00:11:34,308 --> 00:11:35,570
Hey, Malcolm.

229
00:11:35,642 --> 00:11:38,805
You think your brother
will lend me his corset?

230
00:11:38,879 --> 00:11:41,712
When a Krelboyne makes fun of you,
you know you're in trouble.

231
00:11:41,782 --> 00:11:43,716
See, that comment
was playing off the concept

232
00:11:43,784 --> 00:11:48,118
that we all have specific notions
of gender-appropriate roles.

233
00:11:48,188 --> 00:11:49,951
At least they're no good at it.

234
00:11:50,023 --> 00:11:53,515
So there we were--
the ocean, my stepfather and me.

235
00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:55,562
As the storm raged overhead,

236
00:11:55,629 --> 00:11:58,393
he made one final lunge
for the rudder.

237
00:11:58,465 --> 00:12:01,866
I ripped it from his hands
and stared him down.

238
00:12:01,935 --> 00:12:04,927
He knew that
I was prepared to kill him.

239
00:12:05,005 --> 00:12:09,203
I left port that day
a 1 6-year-old boy.

240
00:12:09,276 --> 00:12:11,210
I returned a man.

241
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,314
That was an amazing story, sir.

242
00:12:15,382 --> 00:12:17,509
I mean, I was skeptical at first,

243
00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:19,950
but we do have something in common.

244
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:23,717
I mean, look at the way
both our mothers abandoned us.

245
00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:25,621
What are you talking about?

246
00:12:25,692 --> 00:12:29,389
You know, how I was shipped off here
and you were left with your wet nurse.

247
00:12:29,463 --> 00:12:32,762
That story had nothing to do
with my mother.

248
00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:38,135
It had to do with me finally taking
responsibility for my own actions.

249
00:12:38,205 --> 00:12:40,799
Just sounded like she may
have been a little bit distant.

250
00:12:40,874 --> 00:12:43,069
Well, that is none of your business.

251
00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:46,078
I swear, you are absolutely
fixated on mothers.

252
00:12:46,146 --> 00:12:47,511
I am not fixated.

253
00:12:47,581 --> 00:12:50,744
Can you name one thing in your life
that you don't blame on your mother?

254
00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:52,478
Sure.

255
00:12:55,422 --> 00:12:58,414
I'm sorry.
I was just giving an opinion.

256
00:12:58,492 --> 00:13:01,518
Well, it's that pop psychology
nonsense that...

257
00:13:01,595 --> 00:13:03,790
It is nothing to get
defensive about.

258
00:13:03,864 --> 00:13:05,456
I am not defensive.

259
00:13:05,532 --> 00:13:10,333
Every time anybody denies a lie,
they're called defensive.

260
00:13:10,404 --> 00:13:12,338
Fine. I take it back.
Your mother was a saint.

261
00:13:12,406 --> 00:13:14,340
I am not saying that at all.

262
00:13:15,943 --> 00:13:17,808
Does this look anything like a ''Q''?

263
00:13:17,878 --> 00:13:20,642
Reese,just stop this.
You're acting like a moron.

264
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:22,614
And you're making
no progress with Wendy.

265
00:13:22,683 --> 00:13:25,049
And what the hell
do you need a ''Q'' for anyway?

266
00:13:25,118 --> 00:13:27,177
You're right. I'm terrible.

267
00:13:27,254 --> 00:13:29,848
I'm just not coordinated
unless I'm hitting somebody.

268
00:13:29,923 --> 00:13:31,891
But I really like her.

269
00:13:31,959 --> 00:13:33,756
I have to get good.

270
00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:37,729
Listen to the words.
Good. Boy. Cheerleader.

271
00:13:37,798 --> 00:13:40,995
-Quit while you still have some dignity.
-Oh, and let her think I'm a quitter?

272
00:13:41,068 --> 00:13:43,798
You can't even remember
a simple six-step routine.

273
00:13:43,870 --> 00:13:46,304
There's six steps?

274
00:13:46,373 --> 00:13:50,002
Yes. It's just right, left,
right, left, reverse, pose.

275
00:13:50,077 --> 00:13:52,204
You remember that from just watching?

276
00:13:52,279 --> 00:13:54,975
You guys did it, like, ten times.

277
00:13:55,048 --> 00:13:57,380
So... you know my routine?

278
00:13:57,451 --> 00:13:59,078
It's not that hard.

279
00:13:59,152 --> 00:14:01,985
- But... you know my routine.
- Yes, I do.

280
00:14:02,055 --> 00:14:03,818
Look, I know where this is going...

281
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:06,324
No, you don't.
You're going to help me.

282
00:14:06,393 --> 00:14:09,191
- That <i>is</i> where I was going.
- Oh. Good. Let's get started.

283
00:14:09,262 --> 00:14:11,230
- No!
- Come on! You have to!

284
00:14:11,298 --> 00:14:13,698
No. Don't you know how embarrassing
that could be for me?

285
00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:16,065
- I know what's more embarrassing.
- What?

286
00:14:16,136 --> 00:14:19,833
Getting beaten into a coma
by a good boy cheerleader.

287
00:14:19,906 --> 00:14:23,501
Spangler: My mother was
neither a madonna or a whore!

288
00:14:23,577 --> 00:14:26,068
She was a damn fine woman.

289
00:14:26,146 --> 00:14:28,706
Stick your arms out!
We have to sell this!

290
00:14:28,782 --> 00:14:31,250
Can you move your hand
a little to the left?

291
00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:32,945
Reese:
Spread your legs!

292
00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:33,987
Malcolm:
No!

293
00:14:34,054 --> 00:14:35,316
Reese:
I said spread your legs!

294
00:14:35,389 --> 00:14:36,321
Malcolm:
No!

295
00:14:36,390 --> 00:14:39,325
It's time for the talk, Hal.

296
00:14:39,393 --> 00:14:41,020
Malcolm:
I'm not spreading my legs!

297
00:14:42,696 --> 00:14:43,890
Fight, fight, fight!

298
00:14:43,964 --> 00:14:46,660
Fight harder, Wildcats!
Help us out! Fight!

299
00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:48,030
Fight, fight, fight!

300
00:14:48,101 --> 00:14:49,796
Fight harder, Wildcats!

301
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:51,167
Help us out! Fight!

302
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:53,035
We got spirit!

303
00:14:53,106 --> 00:14:54,539
Wildcats, we got spirit!

304
00:14:54,608 --> 00:14:55,870
Wildcats, we got what?

305
00:14:55,942 --> 00:14:57,136
What, what, what, what?

306
00:14:57,210 --> 00:14:59,371
What, what, what,
what, what, what, what?

307
00:14:59,446 --> 00:15:00,378
We got spirit!

308
00:15:00,447 --> 00:15:02,415
Wildcats, we got spirit!

309
00:15:02,482 --> 00:15:03,676
Wildcats, we got what?

310
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,047
What, what, what, what?

311
00:15:05,118 --> 00:15:07,313
What, what, what,
what, what, what, what?

312
00:15:07,387 --> 00:15:09,048
We got spirit! Whoo!

313
00:15:09,122 --> 00:15:11,682
Yes!

314
00:15:11,758 --> 00:15:12,554
Yes.

315
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:15,892
Reese, that was incredible.

316
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,095
Who's been helping you
on your spirit kicks?

317
00:15:22,803 --> 00:15:24,236
( <i>Laughing</i> )

318
00:15:29,309 --> 00:15:31,971
( <i>Sobbing Loudly</i> )

319
00:15:32,045 --> 00:15:36,038
Come on, Reese,
I really have to go!

320
00:15:36,116 --> 00:15:39,608
I'm the most worthless,
putrid loser in the world.

321
00:15:39,686 --> 00:15:41,119
Everybody hates me.

322
00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:42,416
<i>I</i> hate me.

323
00:15:42,489 --> 00:15:44,116
( <i>Sobbing</i> )

324
00:15:44,191 --> 00:15:47,160
- Your brother in there?
- Where else?

325
00:15:47,227 --> 00:15:50,162
Reese? Come on out.
We need to have a talk.

326
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:53,495
- Finally.
- Malcolm, you're in on this talk too.

327
00:15:53,567 --> 00:15:55,865
- Me?! Why do I have to be here?
- Relax.

328
00:15:55,936 --> 00:15:59,235
It's going to be far worse for me
than it is for you.

329
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,934
Boys, this talk is very important,

330
00:16:02,008 --> 00:16:04,772
so I need your undivided attention.

331
00:16:04,845 --> 00:16:06,210
It's very important

332
00:16:06,279 --> 00:16:08,406
that you be bored and squirm a lot.

333
00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:11,246
Now, I want to tell you
about what happens

334
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:13,411
when a boy really,
really likes a girl.

335
00:16:13,487 --> 00:16:16,820
And Dewey, I'll try to make this
easy for you to understand.

336
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:18,050
Ah.

337
00:16:18,125 --> 00:16:22,255
Aw, man, I still play with that.

338
00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:23,819
Here we go.

339
00:16:23,897 --> 00:16:27,298
There's a certain thing that happens
between normal, healthy people.

340
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:28,698
It's called chemistry.

341
00:16:29,703 --> 00:16:32,570
Well, that doesn't happen,
except maybe the first time.

342
00:16:32,639 --> 00:16:34,971
What <i>does</i> happen is this:

343
00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:36,633
I like you.

344
00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:38,268
( <i>Falsetto</i> ):
I like you, too.

345
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:41,746
And if they love each other and take the
proper precautions, they'll have sex.

346
00:16:41,815 --> 00:16:44,340
- But I've told you about that already.
- Not me.

347
00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:46,385
Well... ask your brothers.

348
00:16:47,954 --> 00:16:51,390
Now, unfortunately,
if the boy is from our family

349
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:54,018
it goes a little more like this:

350
00:16:54,094 --> 00:16:56,722
- I like you.
- I hate you!

351
00:16:56,797 --> 00:16:58,924
Now I love you!

352
00:16:58,999 --> 00:17:02,093
Leave me alone! Your insane
neediness is driving me away!

353
00:17:02,169 --> 00:17:04,194
Look at me! Look at me!

354
00:17:04,271 --> 00:17:07,172
Look, oh, I'm crazy! Lookit!
Ooh! Ooh! Pay attention to me!

355
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,141
Look at me! Look at me! I'm crazy!
I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot!

356
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,940
Watch me crash and burn!
( <i>Hooting</i> )

357
00:17:13,013 --> 00:17:14,776
There's no explaining it.

358
00:17:14,848 --> 00:17:18,340
It's hereditary,
and it goes back for generations.

359
00:17:18,418 --> 00:17:20,886
Francis has it;
so does Uncle Pete.

360
00:17:20,954 --> 00:17:24,117
It's why your great grandpa
went to work on that oil rig in Peru.

361
00:17:24,191 --> 00:17:28,491
All I know is your mother must carry
some sort of internal antidote,

362
00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:32,328
because, through some fluke,
I was lucky enough to get her.

363
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:35,997
I just wanted you boys
to know what you were in for.

364
00:17:41,474 --> 00:17:45,137
There was <i>so</i> much
I wanted to tell her,

365
00:17:45,212 --> 00:17:47,407
but she was gone...

366
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,643
and I... I...

367
00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:53,345
Come on, sir.
Just say it.

368
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,888
I hated her!

369
00:18:00,861 --> 00:18:02,123
( <i>Whimpering</i> )

370
00:18:02,195 --> 00:18:04,220
( <i>Sniffling</i> )

371
00:18:04,297 --> 00:18:07,357
All these issues with my mother.

372
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:10,767
I know now that this
was not an accident.

373
00:18:12,873 --> 00:18:17,503
Talking with you has helped me work out
some things with my own family.

374
00:18:18,945 --> 00:18:21,379
I mean, all those years
I blamed my parents

375
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,939
for every senseless act
of self-destruction.

376
00:18:24,017 --> 00:18:27,145
And all this time I was
at least partially responsible

377
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:29,154
for a couple of them.

378
00:18:30,423 --> 00:18:32,357
( <i>Class Bell Rings</i> )

379
00:18:46,439 --> 00:18:50,273
It really means a lot to me to know that
I can come to you when I need to talk.

380
00:18:50,343 --> 00:18:52,504
Familiarity breeds contempt, cadet.

381
00:19:04,291 --> 00:19:06,725
- What are you doing?
- What's the point?

382
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:08,886
You heard Dad.
I'm doomed!

383
00:19:08,962 --> 00:19:11,624
You can't quit!
I've worked too hard for you to quit!

384
00:19:11,698 --> 00:19:14,929
I hate to inform you, brain boy,
it's not about you, it's about me.

385
00:19:15,001 --> 00:19:19,370
That's before I spent an entire day
with your hand on my ass! You owe me!

386
00:19:19,439 --> 00:19:21,839
- I can't help you.
- Yes, you can!

387
00:19:21,908 --> 00:19:24,468
You can break the cycle
Dad was talking about!

388
00:19:24,544 --> 00:19:27,980
- You <i>have</i> to talk to Wendy!
- I can't! I freeze up!

389
00:19:28,048 --> 00:19:30,949
Do you want to end up like Francis...
or Uncle Pete?

390
00:19:31,017 --> 00:19:33,747
I don't care anymore!
Anything's better than this!

391
00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:36,448
Even marrying Mom?

392
00:19:39,626 --> 00:19:43,562
Dewey, your mother and I
want to talk to you.

393
00:19:43,630 --> 00:19:45,257
You're a good boy.

394
00:19:45,332 --> 00:19:49,029
But in life being good doesn't always
get you the things that you want.

395
00:19:50,503 --> 00:19:54,234
What I'm trying to say is that when
your mother and I don't buy you a toy,

396
00:19:54,307 --> 00:19:56,241
it doesn't mean that we don't love you.

397
00:19:56,309 --> 00:19:57,742
Hmm?

398
00:19:57,811 --> 00:20:01,577
You have to learn that disappointment
is all part of being a grown-up.

399
00:20:01,648 --> 00:20:04,913
But, luckily...
you're not a grown-up yet!

400
00:20:04,985 --> 00:20:07,579
- Ta-da!
- Wow!

401
00:20:07,654 --> 00:20:09,986
( <i>Laughing</i> )

402
00:20:10,056 --> 00:20:12,581
Oh, come on, how cute is that?

403
00:20:14,227 --> 00:20:16,627
- Break me.
- Okay.

404
00:20:17,697 --> 00:20:19,324
( <i>Chuckling</i> )

405
00:20:19,399 --> 00:20:21,890
Girl:
Okay, set in a row.

406
00:20:23,937 --> 00:20:25,871
Ready? Here we go.

407
00:20:28,008 --> 00:20:30,442
Wendy?

408
00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:32,842
Did you say something?

409
00:20:32,912 --> 00:20:34,709
Wendy, I really like you.

410
00:20:34,781 --> 00:20:37,682
Like when a boy likes a girl--
normal and healthy?

411
00:20:37,751 --> 00:20:39,685
I'm sorry for
hurting you all those times.

412
00:20:39,753 --> 00:20:41,687
I'm really not a bad guy.

413
00:20:41,755 --> 00:20:45,213
Anyways... thanks.

414
00:20:48,695 --> 00:20:50,162
I like you, too.

415
00:20:51,798 --> 00:20:53,732
Really?

416
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,734
Yeah.

417
00:20:55,802 --> 00:20:57,702
I even kind of liked
your bad boy side, too.

418
00:21:04,377 --> 00:21:07,210
( <i>All Screaming</i> )

419
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:08,872
- ( <i>Gasping</i> )
- ( <i>Gasping</i> )

420
00:21:08,948 --> 00:21:10,848
Oh, my God!

421
00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:13,044
Call...

422
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,747
nine...

423
00:21:15,822 --> 00:21:18,347
one...

424
00:21:18,425 --> 00:21:20,359
( <i>Clamoring</i> )

425
00:21:25,231 --> 00:21:27,495
Hello, Mother?

426
00:21:27,567 --> 00:21:29,728
It's Edwin.

427
00:21:29,803 --> 00:21:32,829
Yes, it has been a long time.

428
00:21:32,906 --> 00:21:36,433
So be sure to try the new and improved
Chip-A-Roo cookie today.

429
00:21:36,509 --> 00:21:40,001
I can make you taller,
I can make you better-looking.

430
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:43,311
If you eat enough of me,
I can make you president,

431
00:21:43,383 --> 00:21:45,613
maybe even emperor of the world.

432
00:21:45,685 --> 00:21:48,711
Honey, can you buy me
a box of these cookies?

433
00:21:48,788 --> 00:21:49,846
Make it two.

434
00:21:49,923 --> 00:21:51,584
Make it two boxes.