1 00:00:02,009 --> 00:00:04,726 Look tickle monster! He's going to get you. 2 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,269 Honey, you can stop looking for the car keys. 3 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:31,000 Malcolm in the Middle - 6.09 - Malcolm's Car 4 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:39,000 Synchronisation par Doyle & Mark, Script original par Raceman. 5 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:46,000 Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk & Malcolm-France.com 6 00:00:59,814 --> 00:01:02,141 - You are going to be so proud of me. - Why? 7 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:06,564 I spent the last five nights in a chat room reeling in this creep named Heinrich. 8 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,643 I got his address and showed up at his house with a printed transcript of our conversations. 9 00:01:11,441 --> 00:01:14,825 He calls me "Sugarbuns" 15 times on nine separate occasions. 10 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:15,585 Reese... 11 00:01:15,586 --> 00:01:19,700 So the guy starts crying, "What about my wife? What about my kids? I'll do anything." 12 00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:21,500 Entrapment. 13 00:01:21,858 --> 00:01:23,376 It's not just for police anymore. 14 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,013 - Why do I care about this? - The guy works at the racetrack. 15 00:01:26,479 --> 00:01:28,770 He's going to make bets for us on the horses we pick. 16 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,750 Well, the horses you pick. 17 00:01:31,471 --> 00:01:32,680 This is tomorrow's racing form. 18 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:38,170 You'll pick the winners and I'll place the bets, we split the winnings 50-50, like brothers. 19 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,965 - That's kind of nice. - Yeah. 20 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,900 I got to keep this guy on his toes. Time to leave a suspicious message on his answering machine. 21 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:51,220 Wow, blackmailing a pervert to facilitate underage gambling. 22 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:52,800 How could this not work out? 23 00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:58,300 It did work out. It's been four days and Reese and I have already won almost $300. 24 00:01:58,674 --> 00:02:02,000 I can't believe it. Reese's plans usually end up with a missing toe or something. 25 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,555 Since when... do you... 26 00:02:04,818 --> 00:02:05,700 buy lunch? 27 00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:09,367 Oh, well, I've been making some extra money at work. 28 00:02:09,368 --> 00:02:14,000 There's an incentive program at work, we're given bonuses for finding 29 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:17,100 inefficiencism, it's really improve morale at the store. 30 00:02:17,101 --> 00:02:20,165 You know, I actually enjoy going to work now that everybody is... 31 00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:21,600 Whoa! Jeez, are you okay? 32 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,270 Trying to finish... 33 00:02:24,383 --> 00:02:25,844 what God started? 34 00:02:26,126 --> 00:02:28,128 I'm sorry, I didn't see the curb. I was distracted by that... 35 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,197 Do you believe this? 36 00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:40,662 What happened? 37 00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:45,000 I was half way through my haircut when Troy casually mentioned that his price had gone up 38 00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:49,100 from $21 to $28. And he thought I would just sit there and take it. 39 00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:52,545 Well, I showed him, Hal. I got up and I walked right out of there. 40 00:02:52,546 --> 00:02:54,495 This is extortion, pure and simple. 41 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,250 What are you going to do about...? 42 00:02:58,092 --> 00:02:59,900 - Here, even it up. - What? 43 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,977 - I can't walk around like this. Cut it. - No, I couldn't. 44 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,100 Hal, it doesn't have to look good. Just hack this side off. Even it up. 45 00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:18,299 Oh, my God. This is beautiful, Hal. You've never done this before? 46 00:03:18,456 --> 00:03:20,939 No, I guess I just have a knack for it. 47 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,965 Lois, I didn't think it was possible, but you are even more stunning than ever. 48 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:27,725 Oh, Hal. 49 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,880 - What in the...? - This is my new car. I bought it. 50 00:03:44,881 --> 00:03:48,000 Now, I know what you're thinking, but please just give me 45 seconds to explain 51 00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:51,375 why this is the perfect car for me and how it was such and insanely great deal 52 00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:53,000 that I had no choice but to buy it. 53 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,600 Hey, there's some black gooey stuff leaking out of it. 54 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,200 I know it looks fast and dangerous, but that's a good thing. 55 00:03:58,250 --> 00:04:02,000 Cops will have their eye on my car, so I'll be extra motivated to drive safe and slow. 56 00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:05,050 It didn't cost much, so I'll have enough to pay for the first year's insurance. 57 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:08,200 Think of all the money you'll save from less wear and tear on your car, 58 00:04:08,201 --> 00:04:10,900 - since I won't have to drive it anymore. - I can put my finger through the metal. 59 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,250 Dewey, get out of there! 60 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,145 I'll be able to work extra shifts since I won't have to ride in with you, 61 00:04:15,146 --> 00:04:16,900 which means I'll be bringing more money into the house. 62 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,400 Oh, and I love it. 63 00:04:18,778 --> 00:04:21,200 I know you don't care, but it just needed to be said. 64 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,830 Malcolm, the fact that you even want this so bad should have been your first clue that this is... 65 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,195 - Lois. - Hal, he's not... 66 00:04:28,196 --> 00:04:33,000 Look, every boy has to go through this. It's the only way they find out what's important in a car. 67 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,848 Look, let's go. I need to feather your neckline a little bit. 68 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,300 Where were you? We were supposed to meet Heinrich right after lunch to get our bets in. 69 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:47,130 Today was totally wasted. Although he did buy me a swimsuit. 70 00:04:47,131 --> 00:04:51,345 I got a car, Reese. I finally have a car. It's the coolest thing I've ever seen. 71 00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:52,550 It's a piece of crap. 72 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,700 Don't listen to him. You're magnificent. 73 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,820 Lois, your hair looks beautiful. 74 00:05:04,821 --> 00:05:06,880 She's right, Lois. It's fantastic. 75 00:05:06,881 --> 00:05:09,100 Thank you. I've been getting compliments all day. 76 00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:10,229 It looks so much better. 77 00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:13,159 Yeah, I thought you were trapped in the '70s with that old cut. 78 00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:15,350 And your head doesn't look so boxy anymore. 79 00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:23,250 Lois? What did you do to your hair? I love it. Fred, isn't it fantastic? 80 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:23,820 Mm-hmm. 81 00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:26,175 - Who's your stylist? - My husband did it. 82 00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:28,850 - Really? Where's his shop? - He doesn't have one. 83 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:32,500 I just got the scissors out of the drawer and, I don't know, he just got inspired. 84 00:05:32,501 --> 00:05:33,774 Amazing. 85 00:05:33,775 --> 00:05:37,600 Okay, ladies, we're agreed. Lois looks beautiful. Now, let's get back to work. 86 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,250 I got a job to do, too, honey. 87 00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:41,355 Good evening, Fred. 88 00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:46,000 There goes the soul of this store. 89 00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:49,635 - And it keeps your nose from taking over your face. - Yeah, thanks. 90 00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:52,300 - So I'll see you tonight? - I wouldn't miss it. 91 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:57,883 Lois, you've got to help me. 92 00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:58,300 What? 93 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,748 - I need you to cover the rest of my shift for me. - Again? Craig, what's going on? 94 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,450 Paula wants to surprise Fred for their anniversary. 95 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,885 He's a big golfer, so she wants to learn how, so I've been giving her lessons. 96 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:08,955 You don't know how to golf. 97 00:06:08,956 --> 00:06:13,555 True, but somehow she got the idea that I only missed the cut at the Masters by three strokes. 98 00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:17,888 - You lied to her? - Lois, my job here is hanging by a thread. 99 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,080 I thought if I could help the boss's wife surprise him with a game of golf, 100 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:26,190 they'd end up kissing on the 18th green, and maybe I'd be in there somewhere getting the credit for it. 101 00:06:26,650 --> 00:06:29,200 Or you could just work hard at your job and then you wouldn't have to suck up. 102 00:06:29,201 --> 00:06:32,435 Lois, I don't have time for your fantasies. I'm in trouble here. 103 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,910 The first few lessons we worked on driving the cart, but now she wants to know how to swing a club. 104 00:06:37,110 --> 00:06:40,120 I need to take a lesson so I can bluff my way through her lessons. 105 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,000 - Craig... - Please, Lois. 106 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:45,817 I can't lose this job. This is the only true thing on my resume. 107 00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:47,850 All right, but I'm only... 108 00:06:47,851 --> 00:06:48,490 Feldspar! 109 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,750 I want all those 50-pound bags of dog food out on the floor before I get back from the warehouse. 110 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:53,613 I'm on it. 111 00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:55,410 Thanks, Lois. 112 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,300 Sorry I'm late, Hal. The grocery store was... 113 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:03,700 Hi, Lois. 114 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,000 - Hal, what are you doing? - Just giving Margie a new look. 115 00:07:07,350 --> 00:07:11,100 - I had to have him do me. Your husband's a genius. - And I get to keep the hair. 116 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:16,855 Now where was I? Oh, my sister. Honestly, a beach condo on her salary. Who is she trying to impress? 117 00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:19,300 She's just so insecure, she always has been. 118 00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:22,600 Every year she sends a Christmas card with a picture of her family sitting on a sailboat. 119 00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:23,540 It's not even theirs. 120 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,360 Uh, Lois. Do you have to do the grocery thing in here? 121 00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:29,620 So... 122 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,585 They rent that boat from their horrible neighbors who, P.S., don't even know how to sail. 123 00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:45,600 What is your problem, you stupid car? You're driving me nuts. 124 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,400 Where... were you? 125 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,920 Oh, Stevie, good. Here, take this. If it turns over, yank it out. 126 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,400 I waited... at the library. 127 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:59,650 You should have seen her today. I was at a light and these jerks pulled up next to mewanting to race. 128 00:07:59,835 --> 00:08:01,850 I hit the gas and she just flew. 129 00:08:02,455 --> 00:08:05,860 I totally blew the doors off for four seconds before she dropped an oil pan. 130 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:08,650 That's it! 131 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:15,600 Malcolm, we did it. We won over $250 from... from the good grades program at school. 132 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,850 Awesome. That'll pay for this. 133 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,800 Isn't it beautiful? This is for you. 134 00:08:28,730 --> 00:08:32,300 I e-mailed... my chess move... days ago. 135 00:08:32,301 --> 00:08:34,490 Stevie, I don't have to do everything with you. 136 00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:38,900 Tell you what. I'll take you for a drive. That'll... 137 00:08:48,025 --> 00:08:51,520 What is your problem, you stupid car?! You're driving me nuts! 138 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,760 So I'm thinking, I feel young, so why not look young? 139 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:06,865 So I got the Botox done to crow's feet and my forehead, then I had my chin done and my tummy tucked. 140 00:09:06,865 --> 00:09:08,930 - And I may notstop there. - Work it, girlfriend. 141 00:09:09,735 --> 00:09:10,400 Oh, hi, Lois. 142 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,350 Can I talk to you for a minute? 143 00:09:13,850 --> 00:09:15,840 Does your grandmother know you borrowed her hands? 144 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:19,660 I went to six different stores and could not find that avocado oil you recommended. 145 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,280 Hal, this isn't working for me. 146 00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:26,350 Well, that's because you don't scrunch and sprits like I told you to. 147 00:09:26,351 --> 00:09:29,820 No, this. Look. Craig is flaking out on me. 148 00:09:29,821 --> 00:09:33,000 I'm pulling double shifts for him and every time I come home, it's full of people. 149 00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:35,700 I never have any time alone. There is hair everywhere. 150 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,700 And I do not like the way you are standing lately. 151 00:09:39,890 --> 00:09:44,500 Lois, these women are walking out of here with a glow. It's wonderful. 152 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,780 Well, can't you at least some of the money you're making to hire a cleaning lady? 153 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,320 - I'm not accepting money for this ! - What?! 154 00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:56,710 I am transforming these women, Lois. I won't soil that with money. And it's not just the hair. 155 00:09:57,100 --> 00:10:00,000 They confide in me, they need someone to listen to their problems. 156 00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:02,150 You wouldn't believe what some of these women are going through. 157 00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:06,020 Nancy, she's getting audited. Margie's husband has a gambling problem, 158 00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:08,610 and Paula in there, she is having an affair. 159 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:09,850 What?! 160 00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:13,800 Yes, for the last five months. It's some guy she's pretending to take golf lessons with. 161 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:21,545 Why do you keep doing this to me? 162 00:10:25,279 --> 00:10:27,960 I fix your throttle leakage and your alternator dies. 163 00:10:28,050 --> 00:10:30,922 I buy you a new alternator and your water pump explodes. 164 00:10:31,401 --> 00:10:34,608 Every time I think I'm getting close, you find a new way to hurt me. 165 00:10:35,613 --> 00:10:37,289 Hey, thanks for placing that bet today. 166 00:10:37,719 --> 00:10:40,200 I tried to get out of detention, but none of the fire alarms were working. 167 00:10:40,785 --> 00:10:41,599 Where's the money? 168 00:10:41,886 --> 00:10:42,891 I never made the bet. 169 00:10:43,370 --> 00:10:43,849 What? 170 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,146 I didn't make the bet. I spent the money on something else. 171 00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:47,965 A car bra! 172 00:10:49,641 --> 00:10:50,167 What? 173 00:10:50,535 --> 00:10:52,023 You had $200. 174 00:10:52,178 --> 00:10:54,097 That horse came in at five to two. 175 00:10:54,136 --> 00:10:56,524 I don't know what that is, but I'm supposed to get half of it. 176 00:10:56,602 --> 00:10:58,716 Sorry, man. But look how hot she looks. 177 00:10:59,343 --> 00:11:03,924 - Malcolm, you got to calm down. This car is messing you up. - This car is not messing me up. 178 00:11:04,011 --> 00:11:06,243 It's made me happier than I've ever been in my life. 179 00:11:12,169 --> 00:11:13,774 Oh, Lois, thank God. 180 00:11:13,891 --> 00:11:20,390 Fred asked me to scrub out the Dumpsters tonight, but Paula wants to work on her short iron, so I had to schedule &an emergency lesson with the golf pro. 181 00:11:20,637 --> 00:11:26,714 The guy charges, like, 90 bucks an hour. It's really eating away at my savings, but I guess I have no one to blame but myself, and, oh, my God, you know about the affair. 182 00:11:27,334 --> 00:11:28,782 Damn it! Damn it! 183 00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:30,925 - You do know, right? - Yes, I know. 184 00:11:31,365 --> 00:11:32,030 Damn it! 185 00:11:32,539 --> 00:11:35,319 Craig, how could you lie to me after all I've done for you? 186 00:11:35,710 --> 00:11:39,352 I let you sleep on our floor when you though your cat's ghost was trying to kill you. 187 00:11:39,561 --> 00:11:42,575 - I settled that feud between you and the Girl Scout troop. - They started it. 188 00:11:42,624 --> 00:11:43,407 Shut up! 189 00:11:43,891 --> 00:11:49,842 I do all this and you repay me by making me drag around 50-pound sacks of dog food so you can sleep with the boss's wife? 190 00:11:50,194 --> 00:11:53,561 - That's inexcusable! - I didn't plan this. It just happened. 191 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,722 One night after inventory, we stopped in the parking lot to talk. 192 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:03,065 I bent down to pick up her keys, the next thing I know, she's got me handcuffed in a shower in a motel out by the airport. 193 00:12:03,261 --> 00:12:04,631 She's crazy, Lois. 194 00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:06,782 But she makes me crazy, too. 195 00:12:06,783 --> 00:12:07,424 Craig... 196 00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:11,845 I'm not kidding. There is a dark, scary place inside of me that I didn't even know was there, 197 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:18,831 but Paula knew it was there, and every night she takes me to that scary place and shows me some new, terrible, delicious corner of it. 198 00:12:19,889 --> 00:12:23,621 - You're not going to rat on me, are you? - No, but you have to end this today. 199 00:12:23,716 --> 00:12:26,787 I can't, Lois. I'm addicted. I don't even know who I am anymore! 200 00:12:28,299 --> 00:12:29,763 I know I've let you down, 201 00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:31,790 but I want to thank you for helping me anyway. 202 00:12:31,979 --> 00:12:37,042 - Craig, I never said I... - If that homeless guy is still in the Dumpster, just let him drink from the hose. He'll leave you alone. 203 00:12:40,841 --> 00:12:44,290 Stupid car. That's four coats. Now will you run?! 204 00:12:44,290 --> 00:12:47,503 - Malcolm, your leopard-skin seat covers are here. - Sweet. 205 00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:49,291 I can't wait to see you in them. 206 00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:55,589 What's going on? 207 00:12:55,684 --> 00:12:57,715 Malcolm, this is Mike. 208 00:12:58,046 --> 00:12:59,132 He's from AAA. 209 00:12:59,416 --> 00:13:02,298 You're in a safe place with people who care about you. 210 00:13:02,584 --> 00:13:03,529 Sit down, son. 211 00:13:05,561 --> 00:13:07,120 What's all this about? 212 00:13:07,214 --> 00:13:11,041 Stevie and Reese have something to say and I think you should listen. 213 00:13:13,262 --> 00:13:16,238 You've abandoned... your friends. 214 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:22,049 You didn't even notice my new... deck shoes. 215 00:13:22,124 --> 00:13:25,279 - Stevie, I've just been busy, okay? - Your car is ruining everything. 216 00:13:25,773 --> 00:13:27,863 It's even affecting our illegal gambling. 217 00:13:28,030 --> 00:13:29,542 I tried to pick a winner myself, 218 00:13:29,664 --> 00:13:33,444 but since I'm an idiot, I picked one that came in at over 600 to one. 219 00:13:34,011 --> 00:13:38,782 I won $11,500 that I can't even touch because I'd have to fill out a tax form! 220 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:43,474 $11,500 that's just sitting there tormenting me because of that stupid car! 221 00:13:43,475 --> 00:13:44,895 Stop calling it stupid! 222 00:13:45,736 --> 00:13:48,240 That car isn't stupid. That car is great. 223 00:13:48,287 --> 00:13:50,319 It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 224 00:13:50,602 --> 00:13:54,476 - Really? Where'd you get that shiner? - That was my fault. I wasn't being careful enough. 225 00:13:55,214 --> 00:13:58,332 Malcolm, we're here to help, 226 00:13:58,615 --> 00:14:01,544 but the first step is for you to admit that you have a problem. 227 00:14:02,017 --> 00:14:04,284 I did. That's why I'm in AAA. 228 00:14:04,454 --> 00:14:07,195 There's thousands of us, Malcolm, and we all know what you're going through. 229 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,388 I guess I didn't realizehow bad things had gotten. 230 00:14:17,427 --> 00:14:20,923 I think I need to take a good long look at every... 231 00:14:26,647 --> 00:14:30,568 Oh, yeah. Oh, that's it. 232 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,646 I didn't get... to read... 233 00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:39,725 my poem. 234 00:14:41,784 --> 00:14:45,677 And when Martha left the room, Tina checked the price tag on the leather coat... 235 00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:47,554 factory outlet. 236 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:49,985 Temperature good for you? 237 00:14:50,247 --> 00:14:54,830 Perfect. As was the scalp massage. 238 00:14:55,708 --> 00:15:01,614 So all you have to do is cash in the ticket for me, give me the $11,000, and you can keep $500. 239 00:15:02,086 --> 00:15:03,456 - Deal. - Thanks, man. 240 00:15:04,098 --> 00:15:06,650 Well, I think it's important you have an adult you can trust. 241 00:15:10,586 --> 00:15:12,177 This car is a tease. 242 00:15:12,441 --> 00:15:14,520 Yesterday, she gave me the ride of my life. 243 00:15:15,370 --> 00:15:17,402 Her bra flew off before I even hit the freeway. 244 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:18,772 I was so happy! 245 00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:22,985 And today, she won't even start. 246 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,733 It's like yesterday didn't even happen. 247 00:15:24,856 --> 00:15:26,304 I can't take this anymore! 248 00:15:27,475 --> 00:15:28,676 Please start! 249 00:15:28,769 --> 00:15:33,329 Please, I'm begging you! Just give me a little something, please?! 250 00:15:35,899 --> 00:15:38,672 Oh, thank you so much! I knew you'd come back. 251 00:15:38,795 --> 00:15:40,921 We're meant to be together. Don't you see? 252 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,055 Help! Somebody help me! 253 00:16:19,147 --> 00:16:20,164 I'm stuck! 254 00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:22,074 Help! 255 00:16:22,805 --> 00:16:26,510 There's a bit of a wait. We got slammed with a wedding party and we're way behind. 256 00:16:31,728 --> 00:16:34,439 Huh, The Human Volcano. One of my favorites. 257 00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:38,414 - Oh, it's so much better now that he can read minds. - Exactly. 258 00:16:38,724 --> 00:16:41,466 He used to just have heat grip. How lame was that? 259 00:16:45,625 --> 00:16:47,350 - You allergic to nuts? - No. 260 00:16:48,421 --> 00:16:49,776 All right. 261 00:16:54,459 --> 00:16:55,784 What are you studying in school? 262 00:16:56,030 --> 00:16:58,095 Regular stuff, I guess. 263 00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,481 I don't really like school. 264 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,106 Everybody makes fun of me. 265 00:17:01,507 --> 00:17:04,279 Yeah, I remember those days. Kids can be so cruel. 266 00:17:04,988 --> 00:17:08,531 The smart kids, the loners, they were the meanest. 267 00:17:08,717 --> 00:17:12,969 The worst is gym class. My own team throws the ball at me in dodgeball. 268 00:17:14,479 --> 00:17:17,991 Hey, you know how you can get out of gym? Pretend to have asthma. 269 00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:20,734 All you need is a fake inhaler. Here, take mine. 270 00:17:20,889 --> 00:17:22,922 It also gets me good seats on the bus. 271 00:17:22,984 --> 00:17:23,785 Don't worry. 272 00:17:24,647 --> 00:17:26,619 Things are going to be better for you from here on out. 273 00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:28,283 My dad tells me the same thing. 274 00:17:28,304 --> 00:17:30,029 Well, your dad's a smart man. 275 00:17:30,707 --> 00:17:32,432 Frank, your new haircut looks great. 276 00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:34,897 Let me just get my purse and I'll drive you back home to your parents. 277 00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,823 Craig, you know Frank's parents, Fred and Paula. 278 00:17:38,411 --> 00:17:40,690 Remember, Fred is our boss at Lucky Aide? 279 00:17:40,752 --> 00:17:43,155 And I believe you're giving golf lessons to his mom. 280 00:17:43,956 --> 00:17:44,911 Let's go, Frank. 281 00:17:45,158 --> 00:17:48,208 And I promise I'll drive very safely so we don't have an accident. 282 00:17:48,372 --> 00:17:50,867 I wouldn't want to ruin your life with my carelessness. 283 00:17:57,907 --> 00:17:59,093 I'm not going to make it. 284 00:18:00,605 --> 00:18:02,392 Stevie was right about this car. 285 00:18:05,196 --> 00:18:06,582 And so was Reese. 286 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,016 He was right about the car, 287 00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:10,924 and the horse racing. 288 00:18:14,837 --> 00:18:16,408 That makes it easier. 289 00:18:16,870 --> 00:18:17,733 I don't... 290 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,105 want to live in a world... 291 00:18:21,919 --> 00:18:23,398 where Reese is right. 292 00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,365 You really have to snap those sheets if you want to get the hair off. 293 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,031 - Come on. Throw your fanny into it. - Dad, seriously, you got to stop talking like that. 294 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,633 Oh, I'm sorry. 295 00:18:37,789 --> 00:18:41,548 It's just so draining listening to all these people with their tawdry little secrets. 296 00:18:41,671 --> 00:18:43,304 Like that Paula woman, Fred's wife? 297 00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:49,128 Not only is she cheating on her husband, now she's two-timing on her golf instructor with her swing-dance teacher. 298 00:18:49,344 --> 00:18:54,427 She is learning new moves every night if you know what I'm talking about. She is so cold. 299 00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:59,094 - Hey! - Stevie, please, we're talking. 300 00:18:59,497 --> 00:19:04,025 And Sheila's husband Randy just got a new assistant. She's 19 years old and she doesn't even know how to type. 301 00:19:04,661 --> 00:19:06,706 The girl wears a halter top to the office. 302 00:19:06,829 --> 00:19:07,938 Halter tops? 303 00:19:08,155 --> 00:19:11,390 Hello? Dukes of Hazzard on line three. They want their costumes back. 304 00:19:18,139 --> 00:19:20,203 Malcolm? Malcolm, are you all right? 305 00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:21,590 What happened? 306 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,206 It's okay. It's okay, son. You'll be fine. Just breathe deep. 307 00:19:26,701 --> 00:19:27,533 Stevie... 308 00:19:28,827 --> 00:19:30,214 you saved my life. 309 00:19:31,479 --> 00:19:33,605 I treated you like dirt. You saved my life. 310 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,442 Your wheel's kinda on my crotch. 311 00:19:39,427 --> 00:19:40,352 Is it? 312 00:19:42,822 --> 00:19:45,226 I can get off early, can't you just cancel your lesson? 313 00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:48,830 I wish I could, but we're working on the Texas Two-Step tonight. 314 00:19:48,892 --> 00:19:50,679 We never see each other anymore. 315 00:19:51,143 --> 00:19:53,792 Lois, I see you more than I see my wife these days. 316 00:19:53,977 --> 00:19:56,534 Oh, Fred, things have a way of changing for the better. 317 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:57,458 You'll see. 318 00:19:57,582 --> 00:19:59,954 Attention, Lucky Aide shoppers: 319 00:20:00,078 --> 00:20:03,837 My name is Craig Feldspar and I have a message for Paula Lynch. 320 00:20:04,268 --> 00:20:06,486 Paula, I can't go on like this. 321 00:20:07,041 --> 00:20:08,674 I'm going to do the right thing, 322 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,738 and make you my wife. 323 00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:17,013 I just bought an $11,500 engagement ring which I hope you'll accept. 324 00:20:18,771 --> 00:20:22,036 You're cheating on me with Craig Feldspar?! 325 00:20:25,764 --> 00:20:27,305 I think we're both victims here, Fred. 326 00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:28,660 I'm going to go... 327 00:20:29,385 --> 00:20:30,987 something that way. 328 00:20:31,757 --> 00:20:35,639 Sure, it won't be easy for us, but the path of true love never did run smooth. 329 00:20:35,917 --> 00:20:38,544 We'll move in with my grandmother and care for her together. 330 00:20:40,035 --> 00:20:43,363 Well, they're about to tow her away. You want to come say good-bye? 331 00:20:43,393 --> 00:20:44,071 No. 332 00:20:45,427 --> 00:20:46,782 I know it's tough, son. 333 00:20:47,029 --> 00:20:48,877 I thought I'd never get over my first car. 334 00:20:49,372 --> 00:20:52,945 '64 Plymouth Fury who couldn't keep her top on. 335 00:20:54,178 --> 00:20:56,057 Then some guy stole her from me. 336 00:20:56,459 --> 00:21:00,402 I saw her a few months later with a new driver and a different paint job, but, 337 00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:02,394 she meant nothing to me. 338 00:21:02,867 --> 00:21:03,976 I had moved on. 339 00:21:04,365 --> 00:21:05,130 And so will you. 340 00:21:07,213 --> 00:21:08,477 Are you cutting my hair? 341 00:21:08,785 --> 00:21:09,463 No.