1
00:00:00,322 --> 00:00:03,676
Wow, I remember this:
this is Reese's fifth birthday.

2
00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:05,350
This must be Christmas the same year.

3
00:00:05,719 --> 00:00:07,600
He grew up so fast.

4
00:00:07,601 --> 00:00:08,601
He sure did.

5
00:00:09,629 --> 00:00:11,383
Here's Malcolm's first day at school.

6
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:12,350
<i>Oh...</i>

7
00:00:13,508 --> 00:00:15,735
Remember when we lost
Dewey at the flea market.

8
00:00:16,438 --> 00:00:17,777
Still keeps great time.

9
00:00:20,003 --> 00:00:21,256
You want to go through the arrest reports?

10
00:00:22,237 --> 00:00:23,488
I'll pour some more wine.

11
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:31,000
Malcolm in the Middle - 6.12 - Living Will

12
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:38,000
Synchronisation par Mark, Doyle & Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.

13
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:45,000
Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk
& Malcolm-France.com

14
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,537
Hal, do you want Raisin Bran or oatmeal?

15
00:01:00,114 --> 00:01:00,650
Oatmeal.

16
00:01:00,651 --> 00:01:02,200
No, wait... Raisin Bran.

17
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,574
No, no... oatmeal.

18
00:01:06,046 --> 00:01:07,920
Oh, but Raisin Bran's got that crunch.

19
00:01:08,550 --> 00:01:09,379
And those raisins.

20
00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:12,800
But sometimes you get too many raisins.
You don't have that problem with oatmeal.

21
00:01:13,317 --> 00:01:14,773
Oh, but oatmeal can be lumpy.

22
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:16,362
But sometimes good lumpy.

23
00:01:17,123 --> 00:01:18,000
But, not usually.

24
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,450
So definitely it's going to
be Raisin Bran... no, eggs!

25
00:01:22,136 --> 00:01:23,155
You're having Raisin Bran.

26
00:01:23,256 --> 00:01:24,156
Oh, God, thank you.

27
00:01:24,449 --> 00:01:27,100
Hal, I don't know why you have
such a hard time making decisions.

28
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:30,350
<i>Hal, sweetie.</i>

29
00:01:30,459 --> 00:01:34,030
You have to decide. For your birthday,
do you want a petting zoo or a clown?

30
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:35,925
Both?

31
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:43,850
Who knows? Probably no reason.

32
00:01:43,851 --> 00:01:46,316
You might as well ask me why
I'm afraid of clowns and snakes.

33
00:01:47,951 --> 00:01:48,830
<i>Good morning, everybody.</i>

34
00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:49,422
<i>Hey, Craig.</i>

35
00:01:49,630 --> 00:01:51,788
Thanks for offering me a ride to
work today. That's nice of you.

36
00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:52,657
My pleasure.

37
00:01:53,249 --> 00:01:56,076
Hey, gee whiz, you know who I haven't
seen in the longest time? Your boys.

38
00:01:56,394 --> 00:01:58,157
I think I'll just drop in and say an innocent hello.

39
00:02:00,346 --> 00:02:03,014
Hey, boys, what do you say the four
of us have a giant tickle party?!

40
00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:06,002
Okay, that was just a cover
I didn't want to alarm your parents.

41
00:02:06,505 --> 00:02:07,154
What's going on?

42
00:02:07,274 --> 00:02:09,048
I need you guys to teach me how to fight.

43
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:12,697
There's this jerk who's always
picking on me, and I'm sick of it.

44
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,168
Why are you asking us?

45
00:02:14,169 --> 00:02:15,917
Because this guy's stronger and faster than me.

46
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,044
The only chance I've got is if I fight dirty.

47
00:02:18,482 --> 00:02:20,502
And let's face it, your family is legendary for that.

48
00:02:21,406 --> 00:02:23,069
Well, people exaggerate...

49
00:02:23,070 --> 00:02:25,187
Please, you've got to teach me everything you know.

50
00:02:25,397 --> 00:02:26,870
I don't think that's such a great idea.

51
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:33,710
I mean, I teach you some tricks, you teach them to someone else,
he teaches them to another guy and sooner or later, I'm in a fair fight.

52
00:02:34,847 --> 00:02:35,663
Sorry, Craig.

53
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,300
What am I supposed to do?

54
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:43,870
I came to you guys asking for help because
that's what I thought friends do for their friends.

55
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,130
- Dude, calm down.
- I though xxx to each other.

56
00:02:47,517 --> 00:02:51,045
I mean, after all these years,
after everything I've done for you...

57
00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:53,367
- Craig, stop it.
- I can't help it.

58
00:02:55,703 --> 00:02:58,202
Okay. I guess we can teach you
a few move. Just stop crying.

59
00:02:59,293 --> 00:02:59,785
Really?

60
00:03:00,467 --> 00:03:03,450
I mean, you're not just saying that?
You'll teach me how to fight dirty?

61
00:03:04,493 --> 00:03:06,919
Yes. But you're gonna have
to fully commit to this.

62
00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:10,989
And you need to know that once you start training
with us, you're gonna see the world differently.

63
00:03:11,339 --> 00:03:14,463
And there's nothing we can ever
do to restore your innocence.

64
00:03:15,113 --> 00:03:16,225
Thank you so much.

65
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,809
You guys are the best.

66
00:03:19,293 --> 00:03:21,173
You hug me, and the lesson starts right now.

67
00:03:25,148 --> 00:03:27,718
Hi. I'm Peter Rubin from Bernstein,
Wyatt and McCormick.

68
00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:28,450
Are you Hal?

69
00:03:28,451 --> 00:03:30,708
Look, I'll tell you what I tell all the other lawyers.

70
00:03:30,709 --> 00:03:35,107
Look around. This skeleton has been
picked clean. But go ahead, sue away.

71
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,141
Actually, that's not why I'm here.

72
00:03:38,232 --> 00:03:44,000
I'll leave you a copy of the will to go through on your own, but the
bottom line is that Mr. Edelman has given you power of attorney.

73
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,200
The family on the corner with the boat on the lawn?

74
00:03:46,512 --> 00:03:49,717
I barely even knew the man.
Why would he give me power of attorney?

75
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,566
Well, there are some difficult family issues
involved, and he wanted someone impartial.

76
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:56,302
Apparently, he considers everyone
else in the neighborhood a friend.

77
00:03:57,099 --> 00:04:00,000
So I'm the one that has to decide
how all his stuff gets divided?

78
00:04:00,592 --> 00:04:01,661
What? No.

79
00:04:01,662 --> 00:04:02,495
Oh, thank God.

80
00:04:02,496 --> 00:04:05,413
No, he's not dead. He's in a coma on life support.

81
00:04:05,623 --> 00:04:07,760
You have to decide whether or not to pull the plug.

82
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:10,716
<i>What am I going to do?</i>

83
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,131
A man's life is in my hands.

84
00:04:13,447 --> 00:04:16,450
This isn't paper or plastic. This is life or death.

85
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:18,815
There's nothing more life or death than life or death.

86
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,349
Hal, calm down. Panicking isn't going to help.

87
00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:22,599
You know, this is all your fault.

88
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:23,026
What?!

89
00:04:23,027 --> 00:04:29,110
I am completely unprepared for this. I've had no practice.
I haven't made a decision around here in years.

90
00:04:29,177 --> 00:04:32,788
When exactly did it get to the point where
you make all the decisions in our marriage?

91
00:04:32,789 --> 00:04:35,570
When you said, "Lois, I want you to
make all the decisions in our marriage."

92
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,340
Well, you didn't have to listen to me.

93
00:04:38,702 --> 00:04:43,832
Oh, I got all this stuff racing through my mind.
I, I can't eat, I can't sleep...

94
00:04:44,137 --> 00:04:46,955
Oh, Hal, if you want, I'll make the decision for you.

95
00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:47,600
No.

96
00:04:48,107 --> 00:04:50,110
I was given this responsibility.

97
00:04:50,527 --> 00:04:53,943
A man entrusted his fate in my hands.
I can't just shrug that off.

98
00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:55,853
I can do this.

99
00:04:56,179 --> 00:04:59,163
I just need to focus my mind on
the problem and think clearly.

100
00:05:04,045 --> 00:05:04,460
Yes.

101
00:05:05,364 --> 00:05:06,099
I've got it!

102
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,202
Lois, I have made the decision.

103
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,600
Want to guess what it is?

104
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:12,140
Hal.

105
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:12,961
Oh, all right.

106
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:14,707
I'll keep trying.

107
00:05:15,884 --> 00:05:19,959
Craig, I'd like to welcome you to the
first day of your new, more vicious life.

108
00:05:20,937 --> 00:05:23,430
I give you... the human body.

109
00:05:24,155 --> 00:05:27,338
For clarity, we've divided it into the
three major theaters of operation.

110
00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:28,589
The head.

111
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:30,800
The torso.

112
00:05:33,020 --> 00:05:33,800
And what are those?

113
00:05:34,979 --> 00:05:35,693
You know what those are.

114
00:05:36,882 --> 00:05:39,350
Now the first thing you need to
know is that this is all about pride.

115
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:40,940
Do you have pride, Craig?

116
00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:41,855
Yes.

117
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,815
Okay, that is not the answer I was looking for.

118
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:47,352
You show me a man with pride, and I'll
show you a man with limited options.

119
00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:50,250
Let's say that this is your opponent,
and he's coming after you.

120
00:05:51,073 --> 00:05:54,325
Hey, man, we can work this out.
I didn't know she was your girl.

121
00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:59,921
See? Now he's blind, and you have
the time to really get creative.

122
00:06:00,450 --> 00:06:04,120
Personally, I like to leave at least one sense
intact so he knows what's happening to him.

123
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,250
I knew I came to the right place.

124
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:08,804
Okay, Dewey, you're up.

125
00:06:10,074 --> 00:06:12,375
Okay, first, I'm going to need
you to take off your glasses.

126
00:06:13,745 --> 00:06:15,021
Ow! My eyes!

127
00:06:15,302 --> 00:06:17,462
I didn't know we were starting!

128
00:06:17,608 --> 00:06:19,930
There is no starting in dirty fighting.

129
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:23,361
Life is one big fight from the day
you're born to the day you die.

130
00:06:24,489 --> 00:06:26,200
Okay. Maybe we should slow down a little.

131
00:06:27,248 --> 00:06:28,058
Ow!

132
00:06:28,836 --> 00:06:31,500
Time out! Time out!

133
00:06:32,074 --> 00:06:33,378
I think we're wasting our time here.

134
00:06:33,562 --> 00:06:35,176
Let's just kick him in the kidneys and call it a night.

135
00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:36,348
No! Please!

136
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,604
I know I suck,
but I want to be better.

137
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:41,567
Please. I'll try harder, I promise.

138
00:06:42,374 --> 00:06:43,261
Let me try something.

139
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:46,352
All right, Craig, listen.

140
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:48,273
I want you to think.

141
00:06:48,704 --> 00:06:52,598
I want you to visualize every bully
that ever picked on you or beat you up.

142
00:06:53,306 --> 00:06:57,850
Really see the look of contempt on
their faces as they pounded on you.

143
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,403
- You got it?
- Mm-hmm.

144
00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:02,685
Now, picture what they were looking at.

145
00:07:03,129 --> 00:07:05,536
Oh. It's disgusting!

146
00:07:25,437 --> 00:07:26,535
Is he going for the plums?

147
00:07:26,850 --> 00:07:27,757
It appears so.

148
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,481
Well, he sure won't have to worry
about the guy's children coming after him.

149
00:07:38,819 --> 00:07:39,874
Look at him.

150
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:44,618
He can't even move, and still you
can see how much he's suffering.

151
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:50,889
Lying there, enduring the pain, hour after endless hour.

152
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:55,723
You can see in his face he's just
begging to be put out of his misery.

153
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,326
- It's awful.
- Oh God, yes.

154
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:05,360
Look at him. Look how hard he's fighting.

155
00:08:05,846 --> 00:08:11,677
Those clenched hands, the set of his jaw.
It's inspiring to see such a fierce will to live.

156
00:08:11,872 --> 00:08:13,839
He really wants to make it.

157
00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:17,343
It's beautiful. He's really gonna...

158
00:08:26,877 --> 00:08:28,145
Here's extra pudding if...

159
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:34,095
Okay, it was a good plan having the guy meet you here.

160
00:08:34,358 --> 00:08:36,900
We've set up a few things to give
you a little edge if you get in trouble.

161
00:08:37,324 --> 00:08:40,892
There's a broken bottle in that pile of leaves,
and a can of bug spray under the Big Wheel.

162
00:08:41,046 --> 00:08:44,639
- If it runs out, it still makesa great blunt object.
- Remember, we're here for you.

163
00:08:45,182 --> 00:08:48,335
Unless it looks like you're getting a total beating.
Then I may have to take his side.

164
00:08:48,450 --> 00:08:51,799
Don't worry. I hate this guy more than anyone on Earth.

165
00:08:51,827 --> 00:08:55,342
This jerk is going to finally get what he deserves.

166
00:08:55,653 --> 00:08:56,494
<i>Craigy?</i>

167
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,400
Is that you back there?

168
00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:00,926
Hello, Dad.

169
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:14,518
For God's sake, son, you have no upper body strength at all.
I know girls that could get out of this hold.

170
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:17,826
Get your foot off my neck so I can kill you.

171
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:21,104
Craigy, do you have any idea how
pathetic you look right now?

172
00:09:21,317 --> 00:09:22,500
Do you even care?

173
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:28,543
Are you so wrapped up with being a useless piece of pudgethat
you can't even see how embarrassed you're making me?

174
00:09:29,996 --> 00:09:32,208
Um, I think he needs to breathe.

175
00:09:33,581 --> 00:09:39,041
I'm going to let you up now. I want you to dust yourself off,
suck in your gut, and introduce me to your friends.

176
00:09:40,554 --> 00:09:43,138
I'm not doing anything you tell me. I hate you.

177
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,667
And I wasn't even choking. I was faking it.

178
00:09:46,447 --> 00:09:49,439
Vic Feldspar. Nice to meet you, boys.

179
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:52,857
- I'm this one's father, I guess.
- Father? Ha!

180
00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:55,334
You pretended not to know me at the father-son picnic.

181
00:09:55,335 --> 00:10:00,802
Sorry I wasn't swelling with pride while I watched
you suck the butter off other people's corncobs.

182
00:10:00,885 --> 00:10:02,539
You wonder why I'm so messed up?

183
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:09,506
It's because from the day I was born, I've heard nothing
but four-count Burpees and constant, lisping criticism.

184
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,550
Why don't you go back to San Diego and all your macho friends?

185
00:10:12,636 --> 00:10:19,667
- I'm not leaving until you seriously think about my offer.
- I don't want your stupid gymnasiums.

186
00:10:19,666 --> 00:10:20,587
I told you.

187
00:10:20,850 --> 00:10:24,362
Craigy, the people in Chicago put in a very nice bid.

188
00:10:24,397 --> 00:10:27,449
I can't put them off anymore. This is your last chance.

189
00:10:28,224 --> 00:10:30,344
He wants to give you
a string of gymnasiums?

190
00:10:30,344 --> 00:10:32,627
As long as he can get me back under his thumb.

191
00:10:32,742 --> 00:10:35,824
Actually, I'm giving them up either way. It's time for me to retire.

192
00:10:36,272 --> 00:10:38,391
I got a top of the line Fleetwood RV.

193
00:10:38,495 --> 00:10:41,131
I'm going to drag it across America with my teeth.

194
00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:45,991
Son, don't be an idiot. There is still a chance I can fix you.

195
00:10:46,094 --> 00:10:48,936
I don't care. I'm not going back with you.

196
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:53,880
- I escaped, and I'm staying escaped.
- Okay, you're obviously hysterical.

197
00:10:54,395 --> 00:10:59,668
I've got to start my 30-mile run.
That gives you two hours and 16 minutes to calm down.

198
00:10:59,806 --> 00:11:03,217
Meet me at Applebee's, and we'll try to discuss this like grown-ups.

199
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:09,111
I'll come, but it'll be for the great
service and atmosphere, not for you!

200
00:11:16,171 --> 00:11:19,492
- Dad, what are you doing?
- I am making a decision tree.

201
00:11:20,343 --> 00:11:28,374
It is a tool to help you make difficult decisions. First, I started out with
two branches, one for pulling the plug, the other one for keeping him alive.

202
00:11:28,416 --> 00:11:32,138
Then I made branches from those
branches for all the possible outcomes.

203
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:35,600
I'm getting it all out of my head so
I can see what I'm dealing with logically.

204
00:11:36,203 --> 00:11:39,928
"Pulling plug causes feeling of
Godlike power. Forced to kill again"?

205
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:46,949
Well, I'm trying to cover everything. But now I have gone through
all the possibilities, and I really think I am zeroing in on a decision.

206
00:11:47,466 --> 00:11:50,255
All your outcomes on "pull the plug"
assume that he dies right away.

207
00:11:50,712 --> 00:11:52,697
Yes, Dewey, that's what pulling the plug means.

208
00:11:52,891 --> 00:11:54,054
Not necessarily.

209
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,490
He could continue
to live without his respirator,

210
00:11:56,555 --> 00:12:01,013
his body wasting away while he struggles for
breath like a fish on a dock gasping for air,

211
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,791
slowly suffocating over the course of weeks or even months.

212
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,861
- I read about this one...
- Thank you, Dewey.

213
00:12:07,666 --> 00:12:10,082
Like I don't get enough of the
know-it-all stuff from Malcolm.

214
00:12:13,405 --> 00:12:15,655
Here you go, Craig. I made your
favorite; lemon meringue pie.

215
00:12:15,866 --> 00:12:18,495
I want to thank you people for your hospitality.

216
00:12:18,593 --> 00:12:22,292
Opening your house up to me and
the living garbage disposal over here.

217
00:12:22,974 --> 00:12:24,240
It's our pleasure.

218
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,087
I hope you like dinner. I wasn't sure
whether to make a chicken or a ham.

219
00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:31,816
Chicken or ham, boy, that's a tough one. Chicken or ham.

220
00:12:32,192 --> 00:12:33,761
You're life must be a living hell.

221
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,466
So, did Craig tell you how he got honorable
mention for his community gardens?

222
00:12:38,514 --> 00:12:41,386
Sitting on his ass making food? Sounds about right.

223
00:12:46,208 --> 00:12:46,694
Hello.

224
00:12:48,424 --> 00:12:50,493
Oh, yes, Dr. Samson.

225
00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:56,152
Hal, you promised us a decision a week ago.
The hospital needs this room for urgent care patients.

226
00:12:56,578 --> 00:13:00,959
Now, we have to either pull the plug on Mr. Edelman
or move him to a private intensive care facility.

227
00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:05,651
- We have to have your decision now, right now.
- Okay, listen, I'm going to need your help here.

228
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:11,127
Just strictly from an emotionless, purely
medical standpoint, what should I do?

229
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,075
- Pull the plug.
- Let him live.

230
00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:17,900
Damn it, Georgie, you know the chances for a
coma patient waking up are practically zero.

231
00:13:18,009 --> 00:13:22,041
Practically zero does not mean zero.
Why the hell do you give up so easily?

232
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:25,814
He's shown no activity, no responsiveness,
no eye movement for a month. It's over.

233
00:13:25,896 --> 00:13:31,130
You know as well as I that patients can be in a
persistent vegetative state for years and still recover.

234
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,929
We can argue about this all day.
We're not going to get anywhere. It's up to you.

235
00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:35,693
Just put an "X" somewhere.

236
00:13:40,091 --> 00:13:40,719
What's wrong with him?

237
00:13:40,895 --> 00:13:46,975
The doctors called it "hysterical conversion disorder."
It's psychosomatic. Apparently, he's paralyzed from the waist up.

238
00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:49,075
Waist up?

239
00:13:55,361 --> 00:13:56,397
Dad, what is it?

240
00:14:07,374 --> 00:14:09,200
I think he's thanking you.

241
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,950
<i>Dad, what are you doing here?</i>

242
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:16,152
I told you no at Applebee's, no at Malcolm's house,

243
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:19,133
and no all the way home as
you jogged alongside my car.

244
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:21,578
I wanted to give you something.

245
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:22,828
What is it?

246
00:14:23,481 --> 00:14:25,156
Used to call that your unk-unk.

247
00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:28,969
Your mother bought that for you the
day she found out she was pregnant.

248
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:32,724
The only day I saw her happier
was the day you were born.

249
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:34,504
Wow.

250
00:14:35,650 --> 00:14:40,855
I haven't been totally honest with you, son,
but before I go, I owe you the truth.

251
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:45,266
I never made it a secret
how disappointed I am with the way you turned out.

252
00:14:45,836 --> 00:14:52,963
But what you don't know is if your mother
was alive today, she's be just as disappointed.

253
00:14:54,136 --> 00:14:54,545
What?

254
00:14:54,722 --> 00:14:59,100
Opening those gyms wasn't just my dream,
it was your mother's dream, too.

255
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:06,114
Fitness was her life, and it was her dying wish
for you to embrace a life of health and vitality.

256
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:11,740
- Why didn't you ever tell me that?
- Because I kept thinking if I pushed you enough,

257
00:15:11,893 --> 00:15:13,740
eventually you'd turn yourself around.

258
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:21,706
But, apparently to you, I'm an annoyance, not an inspiration.

259
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,500
- No, you're...
- It doesn't really matter.

260
00:15:25,163 --> 00:15:29,396
Your mom's in heaven now,
crying at the waste you made of your life.

261
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:33,000
I know you don't want to run those gyms to please me,

262
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,234
but you might want to consider doing it for your mother.

263
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,377
Do those jumpsuits come in extra large?

264
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,565
I waited all my life to hear those words.

265
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,485
It's been four days, Hal. I've tried to be patient,
but this has gone on long enough.

266
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,510
You've got to snap out of it.

267
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:02,180
Look, I'll admit you've been resourceful.
You've learned to do so many things,

268
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:06,844
and the sex has been interesting,
but you can't go on living like this.

269
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:11,702
Don't think I don't know what this is all about, Hal.
You're trying to avoid making this decision.

270
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,511
This is not going to work. And frankly,
this whole thing is beneath you.

271
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,507
It's a cowards way out, Hal.

272
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:27,254
You think I wouldn't like a paralyzed vacation,
everyone waiting on me hand and foot?

273
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,873
But you know what? It doesn't work that way.

274
00:16:30,134 --> 00:16:34,090
You can't make up ridiculous illnesses just
to get out of doing what you don't want to do.

275
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:42,414
Oh, for God's sake, do you have
any idea how insane you're acting?

276
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:45,410
I'm just glad that your boys aren't here to see this.

277
00:16:48,413 --> 00:16:52,430
Oh, Hal, you changed Jamie's diapers with those feet.

278
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:07,550
- Reese, how could you just leave him in there?
- Every time I pulled him out, Jamie started crying.

279
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:16,492
Okay, this is ending right now.

280
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,641
You are going to stop being paralyzed
and you are going to make this decision.

281
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,300
I know you think you can't do this.
I know you're worried you'll choose wrong, but Hal,

282
00:17:27,301 --> 00:17:31,278
you had a very hard choice to make in your life
before and you made not only a good decision.

283
00:17:31,279 --> 00:17:32,717
You made a brilliant one...

284
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,790
you decided to marry me.

285
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:41,438
No one thought it was a good idea.
All your friends thought you were making a horrible mistake.

286
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:49,272
Your parents, my parents. They all said I was a pushy, opinionated
loudmouth, but you knew I was perfect for you. And I am.

287
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,481
It's the best decision anyone's ever made.

288
00:17:52,714 --> 00:17:57,150
Every day I wake up grateful or that brilliant, brilliant decision.

289
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,892
And you can do it again, Hal. I know you can.

290
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,200
But with you it was obvious.

291
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,483
Even so, honey.

292
00:18:11,244 --> 00:18:15,479
You better say your good-byes quickly. We need to
squeeze in a lake swim before we head to the airport.

293
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,475
- But...
- Ready? Begin.

294
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:17,981
I'll miss you guys.

295
00:18:18,584 --> 00:18:20,079
Craig, you don't have to do this.

296
00:18:20,185 --> 00:18:22,117
Let's face it. I don't have any better options.

297
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,346
It's your lunchtime.

298
00:18:28,391 --> 00:18:29,309
That's his lunch?

299
00:18:29,433 --> 00:18:33,792
Every day until he drops 90 pounds.
These pills here are my own formula.

300
00:18:33,995 --> 00:18:37,982
It's got three times the RDA of the
all you basic vitamins and nutrients.

301
00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:40,724
Sadly, it doesn't contain any character.

302
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,174
See ya, Craig.

303
00:18:44,135 --> 00:18:46,266
I guess this means I don't owe
you that 50 bucks anymore.

304
00:18:48,348 --> 00:18:50,823
I'll think of you every time
I open a jar of mayonnaise.

305
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:55,157
So, um, Vic, Craig's mom was a real fitness buff, huh?

306
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:59,219
Absolutely. She did a triathlon
the day after giving birth to Craig.

307
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,997
There was no stopping that woman.

308
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:04,330
Really? No stopping this woman?!

309
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,320
Give that back!

310
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:08,307
Mama?

311
00:19:09,924 --> 00:19:16,817
Oh, my God, she's beautiful. I thought you said all the
photos of her were destroyed in the twister that killed her.

312
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:21,995
What did you want me to say? That your mother
ran out on me with a guy who owned a pie shop?

313
00:19:22,606 --> 00:19:30,303
That after years of slaving away to give that woman everything, she decided
she wasn't attracted to me anymore? That I wasn't man enough for her?

314
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,799
Come on, Craig. What would that
have done to your self-esteem?

315
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:39,970
- So, my mom is alive?
- Oh, great. So, now this all going to be about her.

316
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:45,000
How could you do this to me?
How could you lie to me all these years?

317
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:46,919
I did what I thought was best for you.

318
00:19:47,073 --> 00:19:53,387
No, you didn't. You did what you thought would punish her. All this time,
you weren't yelling at me, but at this beautiful, beautiful woman.

319
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:58,011
Dad, I'm not going with you.

320
00:19:59,194 --> 00:20:05,221
My life isn't a mess. I love my life.
I love my job, I love my cat, I love my friends.

321
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,631
I've made something of myself.
I'm Desk Sergeant at my Neighborhood Watch.

322
00:20:09,806 --> 00:20:13,867
And a 14th-level elf cleric.
I am not going to throw that away.

323
00:20:15,472 --> 00:20:17,750
You almost sounded like a man for a second.

324
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,354
Good-bye, Dad.

325
00:20:25,553 --> 00:20:27,598
You actually have a pretty good grip there, son.

326
00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:30,089
It's my joystick hand.

327
00:20:31,750 --> 00:20:37,543
Hal, I am so proud of you for making such
a great decision. And such a surprising one.

328
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:41,436
I thought your only choices were life or death.
Who would have thought there was a third option?

329
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:46,100
People aren't willing to think outside the box.
See, the answer was there all the time.

330
00:20:46,101 --> 00:20:51,366
Someone just had to see it. Once I found out
he was a bird lover, well, it all made sense.

331
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,576
- And everything was at Radio Shack?
- Everything but the hat.

332
00:20:55,551 --> 00:21:02,919
You know what, Hal? Your solution was so brilliant, would you mind walking me
through it one more time, step-by-step, just so I understand it completely?

333
00:21:03,076 --> 00:21:06,900
Honey, no, it was so exhausting.
I don't think I'll talk about it ever again.

334
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,645
Well, I suppose it's for the best.